Details. 

I have a problem with anxiety...where I stress out so much that I literally 

cannot think straight sometimes. That my mind will just not focus. 

My mind will fly a million miles a  minute, never actually settling on one thing or object...

just bouncing from general idea to general idea. 

It's like being high on caffeine and talking fast. 

First you're talking about how much you love dolphins, the next how you 

NEED a notebook, and a cookie, and how lambs are fluffy, and

monkey-monkey underpants. 

To continue to quote the everwise Lorelai Gilmore:

"Focus, please."

"I am a camera."

Someone wise told me to focus on details. Especially when I'm stressed.

By zoning in on one particular object, I will be calming my mind. 

Instead of my mind racing a million miles a minute, it is 

being forced to slow down to just one mile a minute. 

Notice the details. 

This is how our world works, isn't it? We race through, a million miles a minute. 

We never see the details. 

We constantly force our minds to zoom about, and there's always SOMETHING

to see. 

Our mind doesn't know how to stop on its own. There's something on the right

something on the left. 

But what about the details? 

Details like, the lines in your skin. 

The chipped nail polish on my fingers. 

The drops of water on the inside of a water bottle. 

Icicles hanging from the roof. 

The sound of your best friend laughing. 

I have a board on Pinterest labeled: Magical

It's for anything that seems magical to me. And most of the time, it's little things. 

Like the picture of a baby laughing. 

A photo of a marine father holding his baby. 

Dishes in soapy water. 

Yarn wrapped in a ball. 

The tattered spines of old books. 

Coffee being poured into a cup. 

It's all magical, and it's all little details that we never notice because our mind

is much too busy to stop and notice. 

Maybe if we did stop to notice the details more often, we wouldn't be as 

stressed. 

Happy New Year's Eve and may 2013 be magical. 

Day 6

Day 6. Ten Favorite Foods

Reaaaaaaaaady, set, go! :P In no particular order...

1. Chocolate. Nom nom nom. Dark, milk, candy bar, sometimes with peanut butter, but never white chocolate (unless it's those peppermint white chocolate kisses), and NEVER with coconut. Bleeeeegh.

2. Mac'n'cheese. Mmmmmmm, comfort food. Don't care if it's from the box either. ;)

3. Cookies! Chewy, soft, chocolate chip cookies. With a glass of milk. (Kid at heart here!)

4. Chicken Spaghetti...best casserole meal eveeeeeeeer. Creamy spaghetti with chicken and veggies.  Nom nom nom nom. I loooooooove you, Pioneer Woman! *heartheart*

5. Butter. Haha, I know it's not really a "food" but omg. Butter is the best. It makes food taste sooo much better. I looooove hot bread with butter. Mmmhmm.

6. Tater tots. "Hey, Napoleon, gimme some of your tots!" "No, go get your own!" ;) Haha, I looove tater tots. And french fries. ;) And mashed potatoes! Gosh, I love potatoes. lol.

7. Pineapple. Best fruit EVEH. That and oranges. And cherries. And watermelon. And strawberries. Dang, I just love fruit!

8. Cinnamon rolls. Just stuff me and kill me now. I loooooove the gooey, buttery, sugary, cinnamony goodness of cinnamon rolls.

9. Broccoli covered in cheese. Aaah, nomnom. :)

10. Chili. Haha, another comfort food. I luuuuuuurve it when my sis makes chili for girls' night. Curl up with your chili covered with cheese, watching a movie? Mmm.

And now I'm wondering how the hell I'm not fat. ;) I'm such a healthy eater, am I. :P At least I like fruit, right? :P

Day 5

Day 5. Three Personality Traits I'm Proud of

Three? Oh, c'mon. *sigh* Okay. Let's try.

1. Blunt. I am a straight-forward person, who says what she means. I don't like beating around the bush. Unfortunately, this also means I think before I speak, a lot. So yeah, it's a blessing and a curse. :P

2. Finisher. I'm the type of person who starts something and HAS to finish it. I canNOT stand unfinished projects. It just irks me to no end. I will finish what I start, to the best of my ability. And usually fairly quickly too. I don't like taking my time. If I can do something, then I wanna do it NOW.

3. Loyal. I am loyal to a fault. Mess with my bestie, you mess with me. If you are my bestie, I will love you to death. And it is very hard for me to give up on friendships/relationships. I'm not the kind of person that can easily get over a broken friendship.


There, that's 3 right? ;)

Day 4

Day 4. A Guilty Pleasure

Oh my gosh. Okay yeah. Mainly two.

I am so. so. so. addicted to coffee. I'm admitting it freely. It is the most amazing thing a person could ever think up. Pure bliss in a cup. Mmmmm....my latest obsession? The Peppermint Coffee that my bestie gave me for my bday/Christmas. So amazing. So magical. So delissssh.

Chocolate. No seriously. I canNOT tell you how much chocolate I consume. Cuz then I'd feel ashamed. ;) I literally did eat an entire large dark chocolate Hershey's bar in two days though. :P 

But oh, cadbury...chocolate all the way from England? Totally can't beat that!!

After a long, quiet day at work...complete with standing around, bored, with co-workers, and joking with patrons...I checked my school account and found this:

Squee!! :) Nothin makes me grin harder than seeing all my hard work paid off this past semester! 

I'm one of those paranoid people who stresses about grades and thinks she's failed if she gets a B. 

I know that can seem very obnoxious to people...as if I'm so stuck up that if I get a grade lower than an A then I get upset.

In a way, I hate this most about myself. I've been realizing more and more how very 

much of a perfectionist I am. I get so easily stressed out if I do not get good

grades. Part of me even feels like I have to work harder in college because

I cheated in high school. *gasp* Horror, I know! A home schooler

who cheated?? But yeah, I did. Stupidly too. :P Got caught, had to re-take

the class. My perfectionist side reminds me of how that was a failure

in my life. And while that still bugs me from time to time, I have

slowly been realizing that I do not need to push myself to make up for that

one mistake. It's in the past, it's done, over with...I've regretted it and now I have to move on. 

Another part of  me pushes to get the good grades because I *know* I can. My mind tells me

that I can get perfect grades if only I push myself hard enough. 

The struggle is telling my mind when pushing that hard is just not good. 

The stress alone is not always worth the extra-good grades. 

So while I am thrilled to have made perfect grades, I am also happy that I took the time this past 

semester to focus on having good times outside of school, and that I took the time to ENJOY

my classes instead of just being so focused on being perfect. 

And I was surprised to discover that...even while enjoying my classes, I could still work hard

and accomplish great grades. 

And while my mind may tell me otherwise, *I* tell myself that if I do indeed ever get a B or even a C, it's okay. Not the end of the world. What matters is that I did my best, enjoyed life, 

and didn't become obsessed. 

So yes, there's one of the goals on my 2013 Bucket List!

Enjoy school and become less of an obsessed perfectionist. ;) 

For now, I will celebrate my good grades with hot cocoa and a movie. 

Hard work deserves some sugar and mindless activity. ;) 

You could always join me. :P Harry Potter movie night, anyone??

Day 3

Day 3. Earliest Childhood Memory

I was three-years-old and it was my older sister's birthday party. Mom had gotten me all dressed up and I remember the dress being flouncy. It was blue and purple and it had one of those huge bib-like collars. So fashionable was I at three. ;)

I remember seeing Mom rushing around to get things done. She stopped long enough to get herself ready and I stood in her bedroom doorway, watching her as she leaned forward towards her mirror, putting on eye  makeup. The only thought I remember having was, "I want some."

Mom, being in the hurry she was, rushed downstairs to finish getting ready.

While I don't exactly remember going to get the markers, I do remember being in the bathroom WITH a marker and climbing up onto the sink to look into the mirror. I don't remember drawing the marker on...the next thing I do remember is going downstairs, walking into the dining room, where Mom was getting things ready.

I remember she took one look at me and burst out laughing. Then she must have run to get the camera, because there is a photo of me that day, looking solemnly up at the camera, not sure whyyyy on earth Mom is laughing.


What can I say? I was a cute lil tyke.

I woke up from sweet, sweet sleep to the sound of my darn alarm clock (aka, my phone: Thor. What can I say? We have a love-hate relationship...). I took one look out my window and groaned. I can't say I was shocked since I had been forewarned and since it had already started before I went to bed, but the sight of white covering EVERYTHING so did not make my day. 

I guess I can't really complain since it's the biggest dump of snow we've had yet. 

Okay, okay, I'll admit...it did look kind of pretty on the trees outside my bedroom window. There is definitely something magical...Narnia-like...about snow on tree branches. 

This, however, DID fill my day with joy. Coffee. Regular. With cream and sugar. Mmmm. I am such a girl-coffee-drinker. Thanks to the bro! And it gave me the much-needed caffeine high to get through the last half of the work-day. 

Much joy to you all...be it in coffee or non-coffee form. 

Though, I have to say, if you don't drink coffee, I really really don't understand you. :P 

Day 2

Next day!

Day 2. Twenty Facts About Me

Oh, boooooooooring. Why can't we have the more interesting blog challenges?? Okay, okay, here we go. 20 facts. Meh.


1. I have an iphone. (hence all the instagram photos lately, dur) His name is Thor. Yes. I named him after the long-haired, big-muscled, weird-clothing-styled goofball who talks in Yoda talk. I don't care. He is HOT and he is funny and I love that movie nomatterwhatanyonesaysorwhomocksme. So there.

2. I have been working on a bucket list for the year 2013. Uh, nooo I'm not sharing it with you! Nosy much? Geez. ;) Maybe one of these days.

3. I read Young Adult books all the time. And enjoy em. I just finished "The Fire Chronicle", 2nd book in a new series by John Stephens (a writer on GilmoreGirls & GossipGirl...), which I thought was brilliant. Can't wait for the 3rd book.

4. I watch inspirational films like "Chariots of Fire" and "Amazing Grace" and wanna get up and DO something. Those are definitely movies you canNOT just sit there and watch. It'll make you feel like a bum if you do.

5. One of my pet peeves is when someone leans across the desk, while I'm working. So DANG annoying!

6. I am a HUGE fan of Donald Miller...one of the few people who makes sense to me these days! I mean c'mon, how is THIS not inspiring: "Why not get your glory from God? Why not accept your feelings of redemption because of His pleasure in you, not the fickle and empty favor of man? And only then will you know WHO YOU ARE, and only then will you have TRUE, UNINHIBITED relationships with others." 

7. Yes, I like the boy band One Direction, no, I do NOT swoon over them. They look like over-dressed puppies, for pete's sake.

8. I had this amazing dream this morning that I was hanging out with my sister and we were drinking hard lemonade. And it tasted amazing in my dream. Then I woke up. On a Thursday. Snow outside. I hate dreams sometimes. They mock you.

9. I get all teary-eyed and smooshie-inside when I listen to "The Holiday" soundtrack. Hans Zimmer is pure genius.

10. I drink my hot chocolate with peppermint extract in it. Mmmm....so amazing.

11. I'm secretly starting to like Matt Smith better than David Tennant as the Doctor. Yes, I feel like a traitor.

12. I have a favorite blanket named Mr. Snuggles.

13. I have tiny tiny wrists...I can wrap the pinkie of my right hand around my left wrist, and have the right hand's thumb cover my entire pinkie's nail. Try it...bet you can't do that.

14. I hate the sound of snow crunching beneath my feet. Ugh.

15. I am not fond of being touched.

16. I have an inner alarm clock that wakes me up between 5-6:30 a.m. every morning. It's a pain.

17. I have 5 ear piercings.

18. I am 5'7" tall.

19. I have a not-so-secret horror of the novatron power pack at school...better known as: The Box of Doom, the Box of Boom, or just the Scary Box. Evil evil lil box of power.

20. I love daffodils and daisies.

My friend was right..."Pain means you're alive." :) 

This book excerpt made my day and made me smile, because it reminded me of a

telephone conversation I had with my friend two years ago. 

Even two years later, this conversation stays at the front of my mind.

Day 1

So, there's this 31 day blog challenge that I've been wanting to do for a while now, but every time I think of it it's always in the middle of a month and I'm one of those people who thinks that a blog challenge should be started on the first day of a new month.

But since I can never actually remember to start them on the first of the month, I decided that I'm just going to jump into it, starting today. I don't care if my mind tells me that's weird. I'm eating some more dark chocolate (nom nom nom nom), drinking a laaaaaaaarge glass of water (because I don't drink enough water and too much coffee, which apparently dehydrates your body), and listening to Michael Buble's Christmas album ("eaaaach year I ask for many different things, but now I know what my heart wants you to bring...so please just fall in love with me this chriiiiistmas, cuz there's nothin else I need this chriiiiistmas....so kiss me on this cold december night..." *swoon* Bwuhaha!)

Okay, okay, so onto the blog challenge!

Day 1. Introduction

Introduction of what? Me? This blog? Who knows.

I am Sam. I am 23. I'm eating chocolate, drinking water, listening to Michael Buble and swooning...

oh, wait, you already know that. :P Okay, so seriously...in no particular order or form...

I love to write, even if it's just little dashes of writing random things here and there (hence this blog). I am the 4th oldest of 11 kids (I say kids, although 5 of us are over the age of 20 now :P). I've grown up being the youngest, middle, and oldest child throughout different times. I'm now the oldest still living at home.
I'm in my 2nd year of school at community college. I waited 4 years after highschool to go to college. My major is Broadcasting & Electronic Media, with a focus in Photography. The dream is to make a living out of photography, one way or another.
I am not one of those weird germaphobic peoples. I have no problem sharing my food or drink with people. Unless they're strangers. Stay away from my food and coffee, strangers. My fists may be wimps but my glare is a steely death trap.
I have a huge poster with David Tennant's and Matt Smith's faces on it. (If you don't know who they are, then laaaaaame.)
I can knit a hat in one night.
And I'm going to go knit another one while watching "White Christmas" because I'm lame and didn't have time to yesterday. :)

Oh, and you viewers, whoever you guyses are...it's okay to leave comments now and then. ;) Makes my life, at least, more interesting.

Merry Christmas and all that jazz! :) 

What did I do today?? I went to see the opening of one of my most favorite musicals...probably my MOST favorite musical...turned movie. 

Les Miserables. 

With a big cast of big names...

Hugh Jackman

Russell Crowe

Anne Hathaway

Amanda Seyfried

Helena Bonham Carter

Samantha Barks

Eddie Redmayne

And just what did I think? 

I totally LOVED Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean. He has the voice and acting...I was completely satisfied. 

Samantha Barks filled my FAV female role of Eponine perfectly! So pleased!

Anne Hathaway and Amanda Seyfried were only passable, imo. 

Helena Bonham Carter I could care less about her role. 

Eddie Redmayne had a pretty good voice and hey he was kinda cute as Marius. ;) I always had a soft spot for him. ;) 

The movie overall I rather loved. I believe it when people say it cannot compare to the stage version, but I, having never seen it on stage, enjoyed it completely. 

I think my biggest disappointment was Javert. 

Oh, Russell Crowe. You ruined one of my most favorite Les Miz characters. 

The man has no depth to his singing. And I don't mean just emotionally (because while yes, Javert is not an emotional character...his last song "Javert's Suicide" IS supposed to be emotional!), but just voice-wise...he was totally the wrong actor for the part. He canNOT sing those songs. 

So sad. :( 

No. You need someone like Philip Quast to sing the part: 

But overall, I enjoyed my time at the movie. And I will be listening to the soundtrack in the next few days, as well as looking forward to when it comes onto dvd to watch all over again. :) 

I had my bestie up this weekend. I *heart* this girl. 

Been there for me through thick and thin, when no one else was there. 

Funny. A complete dorko. 

Listens to me rant. 

She's fab. ;) 

Makes me feel loved and accepted. 

I loves you, Ame. :) 

:)

Gosh, I love those boots so much.

Lil Miss Attitude.

Let's just show it in this light...

Today was supposed to be "the end of the WORLD"

Dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh

I woke to the sound of POURING rain hitting the roof. 

There was SNOW on the ground (although it got washed away)

And the wind was atrocious. 

Wind and rain battled the sun all day. And to be fair, the wind and the rain won  nearly every battle. 

Wind and rain and gloominess and clouds, OH MY! It MUST be the end of the world!!

And yet, I got up this morning, went to the staff holiday party, worked 7 hours, ate cookies and chocolate, made a face at Juji, and texted my bestie...

And saw a rainbow. 

The world's still moving. 

Do you know what today is??

No? 

What's that? 

Today is Thursday? Well, yeah. Dur. But what else?

What? What? 

Today is the 20th? I know that. Geez.

Huh? Oh?

Today I'm exactly 23 and 1 month? 

Oh, squee!!! But that's not what I was thinking...okay, so maybe I was a little bit. But it's not what i was referring to! Sheesh.

Today is....

WINTER FREAKIN BREAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!

I had my last final this morning (at 8 A.frickin.M.)

I managed to finish it up in 20 minutes, though I still wish I had a little more room on the paper to add a last comment or two. 

What?? I like to write. >_> 

And what else did I get today? Well, today, I got my Business Plan back (it was a good chunk of my grade...) And what was that written on the last page?

See for yourself! 

Yesterday my girly and I hung out in the afternoon, just the two of us. We drank tea, listened to music (we are not going to tell WHO we were listening to), played Temple Run on my phone, and made silly faces for Instagram. 

"But wait!" You may say. "What about winter break??" 

Well, winter break holds many simply loooooverly things in it. 

First up: AAAAMY is coming to see me! ^_^ We'll see if we can't get her face up on this blog!

Then Christmas Day, some of the fam and I are going to see Les Miserables. Oh, we have soo been looking forward to that day!

Other than that, not much planned. Goin to the movies with a friend (we needs us some Hobbitses viewing!!), girls' night with the sis and like-sis, chocolate and tea and coffee consuming, work as usual, and mayyyybe we can actually get to go ice skating once. 

Whatever I do, at least I won't have to think about school for an entire month. And that just totally makes my day. ^_^

I am now 23 years old.

In the past 2 years, I have changed at a fast rate. My ideals, my goals, my dreams, my beliefs. In just 6 months, I've come from: meeting someone to a break-up, learning how much I can push myself when it comes to self-discipline, conquering fears, learning to face things on my own, learning to decide what it is I want and where my talents lie and who I am as me...not as the person a guy, my family, my friends, or strangers expect me to be.

My last speech for my speech class was a motivational speech. I had to pretend it was 10 years from now, 2022, and that I had returned to my school to give a speech to the graduating class about how my life has gone and how I got to that place. In a way I was supposed to motivate them in their own lives. 

Where do I see myself in 10 years? I'm really not sure. What do I want, though? 

I want to be shooting photography. I have this strong love of photography. Nothing feels so right as a camera in my hand. It feels like home. I feel like me. Me, the person I really am. The girl who loves and hates people. Who loves to chat with friends yet needs her alone time. The girl who thinks in colors, who cries over war films, relaxes with a pair of knitting needles in her hand...the girl who automatically stands up straighter and walks confident and tall when she's most afraid. The girl who detests cold and peas. The girl who doesn't like to be touched, who enjoys strange humor, loves coffee, who feels strongly and passionately about things, is loyal to a fault...everything that makes me, me. It all defines me. Photography defines a part of me. And that is how God created me. I thank Him often for bringing me down a path, which has not always been easy, but at least brings me closer to the two things I desire most: Him and photography. 

I am thankful that He defines me, and not a guy, strangers, acquaintances, or anyone else. 

I am me. And that is good enough. 

My heart breaks for every family that lost someone last week, in the Connecticut school shooting. 

As I look over the photos and names and ages of each little boy and girl killed, I can't help but tear up and think, "They were just Juji's age." 

Today, I remember to appreciate every second I have with her

as well as all my lil siblings. Because tomorrow is never a guarantee. 

I loves my Juji, my lil sis that I'm training to be just like me. 

The lil stinker that's full of attitude and sarcasm and goofiness.

*hugses*

Okay. So what's up. 

Well, for starters, I'm being horrible and not studying for my last final like I should be. 

One side of my mind keeps saying, "Dude, you've only studied for it like twice. That's not enough. You have a ton of memorizing to do." 

And the other side of my mind says, "Eeeh, I've got all of Tuesday and Wednesday to stuuuudy. It's practically winter vacaaaaation and I don't have claaaaasses, so I have all this freeeeeee time to paint my  nails, goof off, knit, read, watch a tv episode..." 

And apparently post on my blog. 

Yes, my mind has two personalities that hold conversations. Don't judge. 

In other news: it's winter. Ugh. 

Rain and sleet = iceeeee, people!

I now work Sundays in housekeeping at a hotel (well, "now" meaning for like the past month or so...), and yeah, I soooo love it. ;) Especially the early morning on a weekend. 

But it brings in the little extra I need for school next semester. 

My face shows how much I love it. ;) And oh, I get an awesome uniform. :P With a shiny name-tag. lol. 

So what do I do after a long day of picking up dirty linen & trash, and vacuuming halls? 

I shower, put on my favorite "I *heart* Batman" t-shirt, and watch "The Dark Knight Rises". 3 awesome, sexy dudes in 1 movie? Um, yeeeeeeeees. :D Christian Bale! Joseph Gordon-Levitt! Tom Hardy!

Too bad Tom Hardy's face and voice are indistinguishable. *sad*

It's still one awesome movie, 2nd viewing. 

Happy Hanukkah!

Hey! So. What's a-goin on in Sam's life? 

The plague!

The curse!

The misery!

The pain!

The agony!

The studying!

Yeah. It's called finals. What else? :P 

This is how Sam gets studying done: 

pretty high on coffee for starters, on her first cup of chai tea, notebook and textbook and assigned studying spread out. What you don't see is all the papers on my floor that are filled with  notes and extra text stuffage. 

Hahahahahahahahahaha, do you seriously think I'm *that* good and just study? 

Hell no. Especially  not on coffee. 

There's a tooooooooon of procrastinating goin on too. There's the enticements of the internet...

and then there's the enticements of sharpie pens. 

But there's DEFINITELY epic music involved. Two Steps from Hell, you are my heroes this semester. *heart heart*

But, if Sam's a good gal and gets all her studying done, then she can have some

Bond-iiiing time tonight. Bond-ing...get it? 

Yeah, well, I thought it was funny. 

For the record, Daniel Craig is my fav. Bond. Sexaaaay.

Haha, good luck to the rest of you peeps with finals! Me? Well...

4 classes down

3 finals to go

tick tock!

Why is Sam smiling so gleefully while looking completely exhausted at 11:30p.m. on a Tuesday night (November 27th) and giving a thumbs up sign? Isn't it obvious from my face???

At the risk of sounding like I'm crowing (Okay, so I am!): I freakin won NaNoWriMo again! :D After a long, long day on the 27th, I hit what I thought was the 50,000 word mark. I punched my story into the NaNoWriMo website counter and discovered that they didn't consider 2,000 of my words to actually be words like OpenOffice had. It was 9:30p.m. And I being the stubborn gal that I am, said, "What the hell. I'm just gonna finish." So I did. 11:30p.m. I was giving my iphone a thumbs up sign and then fell into bed, dead but victorious. 3 days early too. And let me tell you: it is absolutely crazy to try to write a 50,000 word novel WHILE going to school full-time and working part-time. Crazy. I have no idea why I thought it would be fun. Half the time, I wasn't particularly enjoying writing...I did it out of sheer stubbornness, because my pride would not allow me to admit defeat and give up. When I start something, I hate to be seen as a failure, so I have to finish it. It's a curse and a blessing. NaNo has shown me just how I am such a perfectionist. I can't give up even when it really doesn't matter if I do. Not appearing as a failure is way too important to me. And it was obvious through my stubbornness. On the other hand, I am proud to say that I did NOT let my perfectionist side win the upper hand in the writing process. Instead of stopping constantly to edit and perfect the storyline, I forced myself to just write. And yes, while the story is complete and utter crap, at least I can admit that and not feel ashamed or like a failure. It is crap! The plot has way too many holes, there are far too many characters...to the point of being confusing...and it has a weird ending (Seriously? She goes insane??? Whaaa??) but I'm proud of it being so crappy. Because it means I allowed it to remain that way. It's not a big deal and I didn't stress about it. I'm the perfectionist who finally can say I'm okay with something that's not perfect.

And that feels good.