365

Day 269:
Selfie

Day 270:
*sigh*

Day 271:
Quote

Day 272:
Don't tell the parents where I shoot photos...

Day 273:
I finally figured out what this was...

Day 274:
Fall

Day 275:
Mah Juji is reading to me!

Day 276:
Truth

Day 277:
Love the weekend

Day 278:
Whoops, no idea what happened to this photo!

Day 279:
We have attitude

Day 280:
Lego Club kiddos say this is me since I have black hair and love coffee...my hair's brown. 

Day 281:
Quote

Day 282:
More truth

Day 283:
Reward for my psych exam

Day 284:
D'awww

Day 285:
Mhmm

Day 286:
Procrastinating and multi-tasking

Day 287:
Girls night with mah Juji

Day 288:
Comforting

Day 289:
For pleasure and then for school

Day 291:
Fall

Day 292:
She doesn't like having her pic taken with me

Day 293:
I like this

Day 294:
Coffee to make Monday more bearable

Day 295:
Noooo, stop tempting me!

Day 296:
Bwuhaha, what we do at work

Day 297:
Button makin'!

On and On

New England is famous for its autumns. Clear, blue skies...the brilliant foliage...cinnamon, pies, pumpkin spice lattes, and...apple picking. In spite of school and the stress of homework, I treasure autumn and it ranks high up there as one of my favorite seasons.

Summer is beautiful and wonderful in all of its goldenness, but there's something equally magical about fall. I look around me and see the difference in color of the sunshine, the way the dark comes earlier, the last vibrancy of colors clinging on before winter comes, and I smell the difference in the air.

I was driving toward my sister's place yesterday, Mat Kearney's "On and On" playing as I rolled down my windows. The breeze was cool, the sun still on green leaves, looking like summer, but the taste of fall in the air.

It's hard to imagine goodness, happiness, love...it's hard to know that I am not alone...when I'm at my blackest. It's hard to realize that there are patches of sunshine shining through the dark woods, until you're standing in them. It's hard to smile through fears.

Mat Kearney crooned,

On and on and on we pray, we can break into a brighter day. Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy.
On and on and on we go. I don't understand this windy road. Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy.

And he's right. Nothing worthy anything ever goes down easy. Winning the fight makes the prize that much more valuable.

Facing the fears make the confidence in the end worthwhile.

The smiles and laughter when you've grown through the tears suddenly feel so much more special.

As a photographer, when you look through the lens, you don't just look for the beauty. Your eye scans through the eyepiece, searching for the ugliness, in order to diminish it and exposing the true beauty.

You compose, you expose...you shoot to make beauty your focus. You work to make the perfect picture in the end. You don't just snap the button and have magic. You get magic it by working for it.
You use the ugliness to your advantage.

As I walked through an apple farm with my family today, falling in love with autumn all over again, noting the way the color of the light made everything feel...captivating...I noted that somehow it was worth it all. It is worth the working all week long, the constant studying, the stress, the tears, the fears of the work week to enjoy special, happy moments.

The hard work makes the moments of relaxing that much more restful. Wearing comfy clothes, laughing with little siblings, drinking apple soda...I soaked it all in. Memorizing details, capturing images in my mind as well as on my phone.  Nothing worth anything goes down easy, yet we struggle on and on. Because these moments are worth it all, in spite of the hardships.

Happy Autumn!

To Laugh

Do you know what I loved about my job at summer camp? Who I was.
Not to say I was someone other than me, that I had switched personalities or anything...on the contrary, I was simply me. The beauty about my job was that, it didn't matter what I wore, how how I looked...the kids still loved me. They still hung out with me, they didn't give me weird looks, they didn't expect me to look polished. All they wanted was my attention, for me to laugh at their jokes, to spin the jumprope for them, to hold hula hoop contests with them, to draw pictures with them, to talk to them, to connect with them, to be silly, to joke, to smile, to make silly faces, to laugh...

I was more me than I've ever been on any job. And the beautiful thing was, being around those children made me confident that who I am, as a person, is okay. In fact, it's more than okay...I'm great as me. These children boosted my confidence in ways that no one else could!

Tiny hands slipping into mine as they said quietly with ease, "I love you, Samantha." *heartmelt*

Strong, small arms gripped around my waist as they yell, "HUG TIME!"

Sneaky grins as they shout, "Heads up!" and throw frisbees at my head.

Bursts of giggles as they watch me demonstrate the hula dance moves we learned...very, very awkwardly.

So much patience as they taught me to hula hoop properly.

But best of all, shared laughter as we proved just how silly we could be, how silly *I* could be. The fake voices, the idiotic dances, silly songs, fish faces, and the confidence and self-esteem to pull it all off without once feeling self-conscious.

Because with my kiddos, it didn't matter. There was no feeling self-conscious with my kids. They saw me for who I was, whether or not I looked a wreck or looked awkwardly dorky. And they still loved me for it. They probably loved me all the more because of it. And instead of feeling incredibly self-conscious or embarrassed, I found myself laughing. Not really at myself or at anything in particular...just laughing because there was the love to laugh all around me.

At camp I found that life is surrounded by opportunities of laughter. When you feel like a dork, when someone does something silly, even when nothing is particularly funny but you feel a surge of happiness you just laugh.

Shyness, tears, loneliness, grumpiness...it's all taken away when you sit down next to a child and begin to talk, to share stories, to grin, make silly faces...all leading to laughter.
Those kiddos of mine showed me how wonderful it is to be me.

They taught me to laugh.

To Smile

Smile. 

I am working as a camp counselor at a day camp. I am in charge of the younger children's group...the 5-7 year olds. 

As I stand watch over them at lunch time, I look across the pavilion, and the eyes of one of my kiddos catches mine. 

Their whole face lights up in the widest smile you can imagine. It is so infectious, that you can't help but smile back. It is so sweet and adoring that you just grin with delight. 

I stand, watching my kids playing, getting along. I smile as I see my youngest kiddo comforting her older friend over a scraped knee. 

I smile as I see the lil boys admiring the blood they acquire from a fall. 

I smile when I see a kiddo running toward me, arms out-stretched, ready to tackle me in a hug. 

I smile when I'm greeted each morning with a, "SAAAAAM! Guess WHAT??" The excitement, the enthusiasm, the delight, the joy I see every day in my kiddos. It is addicting, it is infectious. 

Even on the days that my kids are dropped off in tears because they don't want their moms to leave...minutes later, they see me and turn those frowns upside down. 

These kids teach me every day to greet life with a smile. To smile through the tears, to seize each moment with utter delight! To be so enthralled with life and the opportunities in front of me with such enthusiasm. To love life to the fullest. 

These kids teach me to smile.