Generally, the personality I tend to project on the internet is one of a more extroverted persona, a blunt one, the kind of person who rubs people the wrong way, who oftentimes apparently portrays her passion as anger. The internet is a place where I can express myself fully, because I tend to write better than I speak. I have the time to think about what I want to write, the time to erase and edit, whereas there are so many moments in person where I stumble over my quick thoughts and people tend to walk over me while I'm still trying to form the words I want to say. The internet allows me the opportunity of patience and time to really truly express what I want to say.
However: the internet has the aspect of hiding true emotions, tones of voice, facial expressions, body language. It's why people probably view me as bitter, as angry, as hard, as mean. It's a struggle for me to truly express myself with my true thoughts and emotions without letting it come across as me being angry.
The additional danger of the internet is that it is so very easy to express your anger in seconds, and post it, also in seconds. And then there they are. People read them, see the anger, and hurt is done. The kind of hurt that could have been avoided if people had been facing one another, rather than just their keyboard.
I've seen articles preaching on these dangers, protesting against online discussions, saying it's not worth it. But I'm not going to promote that message, because writing is my language.
What I've learned over the years is some very basic facts:
1. We need to be careful how we express ourselves online.
2. Post only what you would say to a person's face.
3. Be aware that anything controversial that you write will most likely create drama. Be prepared to deal with it.
4. NEVER WRITE IN CAPS unless you want to be seen as YELLING.
5. Write only what you would not be ashamed of the next day.
6. Write. Stop. Walk away and come back before you post.
7. Have a friend read before you post if you think the words are extreme.
8. Be yourself. Remember, you will get grief for your opinions no matter whether you write or speak them. There will always be someone who disagrees.
9. People read what they want to read into anything and everything. People put their emotions onto your words, they project the emotions they want to see onto your words. This is not your fault. That is on their shoulders.
10. People will make it personal. Again, this is not your fault. Unless you have written it personally to them, it is not on you if someone makes and takes your words personally.
Don't get me wrong, I have slipped up myself in all these dangerous internet messups. I've gotten angry, posted out of anger, YELLED at people online, taken things personally, been triggered by someone's words, been too passionate in my responses. But I've also learned what is my responsibility.
1. Do not make things personal with someone else publicly. If I have a problem, I privately message the person.
2. Do not take general discussions personally. It's okay for people to have opinions other than my own.
3. I cannot change anyone. I cannot sway them to my opinion and I cannot make them see my point of view. And that is okay.
4. I cannot force someone to apologize to me when they've wronged me online, but I can either carry or deal with that hurt on my own. I am accountable for my behavior and my feelings. I cannot make others accountable for their own behavior and feelings. But neither can I be accountable for them. If someone chooses to scream at me, that is not on me. That is on them. It is not my fault.
I will not be sorry for my opinions, unless I have used them to purposely hurt someone. Nor will I avoid online discussions because they can cause issues. Writing is how I express myself. And I will continue to express myself online. I can't tell you, world, to stop telling me what to say, because you'll continue to try to shut me up or yell at me for what I think, accuse me of horrible things...but I"ll still be here. If you don't like what I have to say, don't read my words. I'm not accountable for what you read. You'll only read what you want to read in my words anyway.
