Life Adventures Pt. 2

When I started 2014 with the goal of becoming more daring, building my courage, refusing to let fear stop me from taking chances, I never once imagined it to be about taking chances with my mind.
Yes, I knew it'd be a mental battle to stop fear from overcrowding my mind. Fear is always a mental battle with me. I am the girl of "what-ifs" and "supposes".

"What if I fail?"Suppose I never recover?""What if this hurts me so much I fall back into depression?""Suppose I give in again?" "What if I give up, will people care?" 

I never once imagined that I could be as daring as I was this year. But I'm starting to see that out of everything it isn't the physical battles that are where I need courage. It's in daring to be myself, daring to love myself, daring to support myself, daring to stand up without falling back onto someone else.
For the longest time, I refused to let people in, stuck on the mindset that it was selfish to ask for help...somehow I was meant to be independent all the time. It took a black, sinking hole of despair to finally ask for help. Ever since, it's been addicting to always have someone to vent to, always have someone to go running to, it's been great to have someone to support me when I'm about to crash. It was so nice that I've put off standing on my own.
Over the summer, I didn't have quite so many crashes...it's easy to be happy and strong in the sunshine, with the boost of confidence given by succeeding in my job. However, when it comes to fall and winter, enclosed indoors and little sunshine and warmth, with the struggles of money and schoolwork, one feels one's confidence swirling down the drain.

I could give in to my fearful mental state, break down, and live each day only by clutching on by my fingertips again. Or I could step away from my crutches, as wonderful and helpful as they are, and dare to support myself. I could be dare to push my mind to be stronger.
Instead of having wonderful people telling me how great I am and can be, I dare to tell myself, "You can do this." I dare to push my mind to face the scary shit and say, "Screw this mindset. I am smart enough. I am good enough. I am worthy."

It's about having the courage to look at myself and see all that I've accomplished.

There's a saying that says, "You are what you think."
So, when I feel like giving up or being lazy, my mind tells me that I'm a lazy person who gives up.
In reality, in spite of these wishes, I still work hard to accomplish what's before me.
So, really, just thinking something doesn't make you whatever that is.
It's also how you act on these thoughts.

I hate working so hard in school and constantly think about just giving up or not doing my best work.
Did you know? I have made President's List three times, Dean's List twice? Did you know that I won Best of Category for my photography in the Spring Exhibit at my old school? Did you know that I won the Award of Excellence? Did you know that at graduation I had a GPA of 3.97? Did you know that because I work hard in building friendships with my kiddos in LEGO club that I'll have kids throwing their arms around me as soon as they come in? Did you know that my kiddos refuse to make funny comics about me because I am, "too nice" to them?

Sometimes I think we take the idea of teaching ourselves not to gloat about our accomplishments too far. Worried of appearing arrogant, we shove aside our victories and forget to understand what they mean. Let's revel in these accomplishments. Let's understand that these things mean that we don't always fail, that we actually do good, that we actually don't always give up, that we do work hard, that we CAN overcome fear and succeed when we try!

My mind is being daring when it says, "Elementary Education is HARD. Harder than anything else you've done in school...but if you can write an A paper in three hours, you can do this test", "Putting yourself out there in a new situation is tough, but if you can jump out of a plane, you can do this", "If you can push yourself to hike up a mountain, you can face new things"...it's being daring enough to believe yourself when you say, "You're stronger than you give yourself credit for." 

Don't just take what your friends say for granted. Look around yourselves...our accomplishments are right there where we left them. Understand them, look at them closely, see what these mean. They mean we are stronger, better, smarter, more driven than we ever actually believe.

C'mon, dare to change your mental traps of fear. Stand on your two feet and dare to be. It's like Bastille says,

"Your albatross, let it go, let it go."

Adventures

I was determined to make this year a better year.

My year started out with the huge decision of deciding what would be my next step.

Should I find a full time job? Should I continue on in school?

If I do go back to school, what do I major in?

All these questions required answers, none of which were easy to make.

Having made the decision to go back to school to acquire a Bachelors in Elementary Education, 

I suddenly realized that I'll have spent the majority of my 20s pushing myself to the limit and killing myself

over school. It's not the life I wanted. I don't want to look back on my 20s and see that the only accomplishments I made were in school. I don't want to look back and grimace at my 20s.

I don't want my life to be just about school. I want to live.

2014...a brand new year, brimming with possibilities, and welcoming us with the fresh pages of ideas and activities and newness to fulfill. I didn't want to waste this year, this opportunity.

Adventures...it's what I wanted, and it's what I've been accomplishing.

I wanted to see new places, so I took up hiking. 3 mountains down, how many more to go??

I wanted to push myself, so I tried rock climbing & discovered the wonderful puzzle it is, both mentally and physically.

I wanted to fly, so I went skydiving.

It's only June and here I am filling my days to the overflow! I feel alive, I feel adventurous, I feel happy...I feel real. But what I've learned is that adventures don't come to you...you have to pursue them, you have to push for them, you have to *find* them. And adventures aren't easy -- nor should they be! Adventures are simply that, adventures, because they aren't easy! It isn't just the satisfaction you get from accomplishing something that makes it an adventure, it is the process, the hard work, the energy, the sweat that makes it the adventure. I'm pushing myself and I love it. Suddenly I'm seeing myself as a totally different person. It's 2014 and all about the adventures.

What adventures are you seeking?

Your Words Mean Nothing To Us

The thing about Facebook is that you cannot escape all the people posting things in your newsfeed, and reposting them. I've seen the same video pop into my newsfeed 9 times in one day. The same kind of status pop up 3 times in a row. One on top of each other.

And I have a wide variety of friends, half of whom would post an article to say, "LOOK! This is so GREAT!" while the other half was posting it saying, "I'm so DISGUSTED!" It can be very amusing.

However, today, there popped up into my newsfeed one article that has inspired quite a few debates, and I am here to post my personal concerns and opinions and ideas about it all.

It all started on this blog of some young, Christian guy, who was writing in the form of a letter to his future, unknown wife. Read here.

I found so many issues with this letter, including:

• Girls should not be just sitting, waiting around for a Prince Charming to show up...our lives shouldn't revolve around being found by and marrying some guy!...
• I want to see the day a good-looking guy who actually acts upon his words of "it doesn't matter what you look like, you're already beautiful because God made you" by not ignoring and walking past the over-weight or acne-prone girls. 
• Girls' bodies are *not* goodies. We are not objects to be compared to a treasured or favorite car. I dress the way I dress not because I'm dressing for my future husband, but for myself. Because I am a Christian young woman I serve God and as a result of that, I respect myself and I honor Him. I dress how I feel comfortable. Simple as that. My body is my own. It is not some unknown man's. If a man struggles with how I dress, it is on his shoulders to take care of his own feelings and thoughts. I am not placed on earth to meet each individual man's struggles. 

The young man ends his letter with the following, 

"I understand I might have written this a little late, but I don’t care who you were yesterday, I care who you are today and who you will be tomorrow.  Make a change if you need to.  Let us grow together.  It is not too late.  It doesn’t matter what you’ve done or how many of these items you have missed, it just matters what you are going to do now!  You are beautifully and wonderfully made by the hands of a perfect Creator, live like it!"

My question is this: if it doesn't matter, then why also say,  "I’ll say that again, your goodies are always going to be good.  But, if everyone and my mom has a look at everything you’re showing off, I’m not feeling like as much of a lucky ducky.  So please, for me, keep your goodies packaged away."

Obviously, it does matter to him.

All of this aside. Yes, yes, I mean that: all of this aside...I want to get to the main point of my post.

Guys telling us we're beautiful. It's all well and good to tell us we're beautiful and that we're made in God's image. But I'm going to tell you right now. We're not going to believe you.

The thing about beauty and telling a girl she's beautiful and a letter like this is that guys are trying to convince us we're beautiful. If you think about the One Direction song, "What Makes You Beautiful" ...movie messages, book messages...all of which there are guys singing, saying, telling us girls that we're beautiful. Guys are trying to convince us that we're beautiful and that we don't need makeup and that who we are is enough. But. We still don't believe you. 

It's not exactly your fault, guys, though I will put a tiny bit of the blame on you. Guys, you tell us we're beautiful the way we are, to not cover up in makeup, to not care about how we dress...but the thing is, there is the sting when we try to believe your words and the guys still keep walking past us. So, forgive us if we don't believe your empty words.

What I believe is the most damaging message of all in this young man's blogpost and the dozens upon dozens...hundreds, even!...of blogposts and articles that spout the exact same thing, is this: men are telling us how to be beautiful. They are telling us how to live, how to BE women that will most attract Christian, godly men. But: our worth does not come from men. No matter what men tell us, we will never be content with it. It is one thing to be told we're beautiful and another to believe it. When a guy tells us we're beautiful, it's sweet and wonderful in the moment. But that's all it is: a moment.

Girls: it is wonderful when guys tell us we're beautiful. I know that special tingly, warm feeling we get when we receive compliments. But unless we truly believe it about ourselves, we will never be content. We will always be seeking for that contentment and fighting against the emptiness of feeling inadequate and not pretty enough. It's about self-worth and self-esteem. This idea of being a princess stuck in a tower, waiting, bases our self-worth and our happiness on someone else...on a guy. But here's the catch: guys are just as human as we are. And they cannot make us happy every minute of every day. A mere guy cannot make us worthy. I've been learning exactly how much I base my self-esteem on how others esteem me. But the fact remains, that once the compliments are gone, the briefest of moments where the spotlight is on me, then I feel just as empty as I did before. This is because I don't believe in myself and I do not think of myself as worthy unless others notice me. I am learning that to embrace who I really am, to accept how I look, I have to build my self-respect. Instead of being a door-mat allowing people to walk all over me, I am learning that I am worthy of happiness and respect from others without asking for it from them, without catering toward them. Author Nathaniel Branden of Six Pillars of Self-Esteem writes, "It is the conviction that our life and well-being are worthwhile and deserving of the respect of others; and that our happiness and personal fulfillment are important enough to work for." 

I am not going to tell you how to acquire self-esteem. I can't address the issues in your lives, girls. I can only look into my own life and see where I allow a low self-esteem to drag me down. I am learning to embrace the fact that I have a tiny yet tall body which makes it difficult to dress. I am learning to love the fact that my hair is curly and has a mind of its own. I am learning that it's okay to have days where I don't like my curly hair and to tame it's wildness by straightening it to a silky smoothness. I like my hair both ways. Not because some guy told me it was pretty, not because my friends told me that I look better with my hair curly. I like it both ways because of how both ways make me feel. I wear skinny jeans that show off my butt to its best advantage, not because I want to attract guys' attention but simply because I like how it looks, how it makes me feel. I wear makeup and I love it. I like the smoother appearance of my face when I cover up blemishes. I like the way my eyes are emphasized when I throw on the tiniest bit of liner and mascara. This isn't me not accepting how I was made...it is me making the most of how I was made and feeling beautiful in who I am. I am not changing my body...I am enhancing it.  It makes me confident and happy with my body, with how I was made. It is me accepting my body shape without having anyone tell me I look good.

Self-esteem, girls, it's important. More important than sitting around, waiting for guys to come along and finally tell us we're beautiful in their eyes after having one or two or a hundred guys just walk right past us.
Every guy may not think I'm beautiful, but I am learning to be happy with who I am, and how I look because I am building my self-esteem.


Guys, I am not here to tell you to stop telling us beautiful. But I am. Confusing? Let me explain. Do, do tell us we're beautiful. But do not tell us HOW to be beautiful. Do not come to me and say, "You are beautiful as you are, with the body God gave you, you don't need to wear makeup" then proceed to swagger right past me to flirt with the prettier girls. Guys, your words mean nothing to me. It is like Eliza Doolittle of My Fair Lady says, "Show Me". Your words are empty without actions. Guys, don't tell me I'm beautiful then proceed further into your blogpost by telling me how I need to be, what I need to do, and who I should be in order to be worthy of your love and attention. I am worthy without your opinion, attention, or words.

Guys, if you want me to believe you when you say I'm beautiful, show me by respecting me, including every life decision I make, including the way I act, speak, and dress. Give me the respect I deserve as a person, by not comparing me to a car, by not treating my body as an object and labeling it as goodies. Guys, if you want me to believe you when you say I'm beautiful, don't talk down to me, don't stuff me into a box and tell me to wait for you. I am a person, not your object. I am worthy to go out into this world and do something and not make you the center of my universe. Guys, if you want me to fall for you, don't tell me that the sole purpose of my life is you. Remember this, guys, the next time you're tempted to write a letter to your future wife: your words mean nothing to us.

Kindness

It is so easy to get captured in my own head and to believe that my pain is all that matters. My tears, my fears, my hurts...what you feel is what grabs your attention. In those moments of feeling lost and alone it is easy to believe that there is no pain greater than your own.

As an INFJ, it is very easy for me to see others' pain and to empathize, but even I sometimes put my pain first. Having been raised with the mindset that humbling means putting others first, I struggled to ever care for myself. Then, one day, I accepted that it was okay, it was even good to put myself first.

Your own pain and tears and fears are real. They matter. How I feel matters. Sometimes, I have to put myself first because not to do so would mean breaking down, falling to pieces, not functioning. Our bodies and our minds, our physical and spiritual beings need the attention and time to recover. I say this because I do not want you to feel that I am promoting NEVER putting yourself first. Because I'm not.

However. What I've discovered in this journey of self-healing and self-discovery and allowing myself to grow and mend, is that it is so easy to put yourself first all the time. To avoid things that cause you discomfort, even things that could help others.

I have realized that it is very easy to be kind only to yourself and redirect the annoyance and the grievances you once would push on yourself on to others.

Learning to love yourself, being kind, self-healing...it's not about pointing the hatred and the annoyance and the drive of perfectionism onto others. It's about disposing of these feelings altogether so that you are not filling your life with them or someone else's life.

It is easy to get into the habit of thinking, "I've had greater pain than she has and if I can pick myself back up, then she can too!" When you direct kindness inward, don't forget to direct it outward too. Clean out the hate, the vile feelings, but don't just push them out into the world. Throw them away.

It is hard to choose to be kind sometimes: to yourself and to others. What I don't always realize is that kindness is a choice. I don't want to lose the empathy I have as an INFJ, I don't want to lose my characteristic of always rooting and fighting for the underdog, I don't want to lose my sensitivity to others' pain and my urge to help those in need, no matter how great or small their need is. I also do not want to lose the art of being kind to myself, stop my practice of learning to forgive or accept myself. It is a hard balance to achieve. I want to blow out all my anger and self-hatred into a place where it cannot hurt, instead of redirecting it from myself to others.

I want to choose to be kind. Sometimes this means putting others before myself...sometimes all it means is being patient, even when I feel like people should suck it up. Sometimes, it means sucking it up myself. Whatever I do, wherever I go, whomever I become...above all, I want to be kind, the kind of kindness that God instilled in my personality. It's a choice, kindness is...so 2014, let's be kind: both to myself and everyone.

I Am Not Who I Used To Be

Jan. 1, 2013. 

2013 was a long and hard year, full of self-discovery and struggles. I can see how I am still the same person I was on Jan. 1st, 2013 but I also see the changes, the growth. 

I'm not who I used to be. 

While I feel like in some ways I took two steps back for each step I took forward, I know that I've learned so much in 2013, about life, about myself.

I learned it's okay to love myself, that I don't have to be perfect in everything to still be worthwhile.

I learned it is far easier to ask forgiveness than to grant it, which is sad.

I learned that I am strong, I am smart, and I am worthwhile.

I learned that it's okay to be different...I am not the girl who wants to go out and party and have the same experiences as most adults in their 20s. I am quiet, I like being alone, I am bookish, nerdy, a planner, and not as spontaneous as some people wish me to be. And that's okay. 

I learned that it is not always easy to love others, but it is worth it.

I learned that the hard things, the struggles make the triumphs even more valuable.

I learned that opening myself up, being completely vulnerable is as scary as hell, but sometimes life calls for me to be vulnerable to those around me.

I learned that I make a difference in people's lives. Even though it is in the smallest ways, I do matter. 

I learned life's never going to be easy but fighting my way through the world transforms you into the person you were meant to be.

In spite of everything, I've learned that no matter how many hours, days, weeks, months, seasons, years go by...

I am still me.

Jan. 1st, 2014. 

I am Sam. 

And for the first time in forever, I love being me, imperfections and all.

Silly Girl

My closest friends will tell you...

I am loud. I am passionate. I can be obnoxious. I am opinionated. And I am not afraid of sharing those opinions.
I can be bitchy and have my off days where I seem to make everyone angry at me.

My friends show me grace because they know I'm better than my bitchy moments. They hold me back when I'm tempted to say more than I should. They tell me when I'm crossing a line and when I really should rethink how I approach people.

But.

They also know, I take life seriously. My opinions? My loudness? My passions? Nothing is formed lightly. I think through things. Over and over and over. I am a perfectionist. I work hard and and try to perfect myself. When I see how I am wrong, I try to refocus. I may be bitchy at times but I never take serious matters lightly. While I may not always come right out and say exactly what it is I believe, I am an open book to anyone who asks me. I have nothing to hide when it comes to my beliefs, my faith, my morals. I realize that anything I write on this blog is out there for the public to see. And yes, it's made me re-think posts, it's made me hesitate. I go with my gut instinct. If I feel a hesitation, then I generally take the post back. I trust  my intuition. And if I feel I may be crossing a line, I run the posts across a best friend...several best friends sometimes.

I know some people come to my blog and see it merely as a silly girl's blog, a silly girl's pointless words, a silly girl acting all bitter toward men and promoting feminism, a silly girl shouting into the wind.

Maybe I am silly. Maybe I am shouting into the wind. But I am serious. I think hard about things, I try to understand things, and I write about things because writing is how I best express myself.
If I see something I strongly disagree with out there in the world then I do not belittle those concerns or fears. I think about them, I try to understand them, and then if I still feel strongly, I write about them.

I won't lie and say I don't care what people think about me. But the fact is...unless a person genuinely cares about me, and me about them, then I really don't care. The opinions of people who don't know me don't upset me.

I used to care, I used to form myself into a different girl for each friend, suiting my personality to each person. I wasn't myself. I am through with that and I will no longer hide when I feel strongly about something. People, if you feel something is right, then don't hide from it.

Silly, I may be, but I am not a girl. I am an adult. I am a woman. I am my own person, forming my own opinions. I am under the authority of no one but my God. I am me. Sam. I am not just a human being. I am a person. I am serious, loud, obnoxious, bitchy, concerned...and I'm done hiding it.

Women of Strength: Part 2

There is a lot of criticism out there about the women movies depict these days. I find it rather funny...because while there are many in Christian circles that criticize them, I am excited by them. I am encouraged, I am driven to be strong myself...

My theory is this...men in some Christian circles are scared by the idea of strong women.

I'm sure I've raised quite a few eyebrows with my words yesterday...

"Boys, I don't need you."

So horribly feminist of  me! However, this isn't about being a feminist. In fact, I rather love males. I have some terribly good male friends, I love dates, I love hanging out with guys, and I desire marriage someday. Guys, this is nothing personal. Obviously, we need guys in order to keep up the human race, and they're awfully useful to have around, not to mention fun and interesting. But as I keep saying...this isn't about feminism or belittling marriage or even about belittling guys. This series of post is about strong women, and only strong women.

As I've mentioned, girls, we don't need men/boys to be strong. We don't need boys to save us if we can do it ourselves. This is why I believe women of strength in movies are needed. Shall we take a look at how and why these women are great?


Katniss Everdeen. Oh, yes, you knew she was coming. What better place to start? She's all the rage right now, due to the series being turned into movies.
Katniss is a young teenage girl, living in a time of horror. Her country is needlessly killing off her peers in order to control the people. Not wanting to get involved and intent on watching over her fatherless family, Katniss keeps her head down, careful not to draw attention. Then the day comes when her little sister's name is drawn...drawn for almost certain death.
Katniss is a woman of strength...she shows the power of sacrifice and love by taking the place of her sister. Her love for her family is so strong she is willing to do what most people would not do...she faces death.

Natasha Romanoff/The Black Widow. Why are weak women in need of being rescued so desirable in the Christian world? Because in belittling themselves, they stroke a boy's ego, they make men seem more masculine, they cause men to appear strong...when in reality, by portraying all women as weak and incapable of strength, boys merely become lazy. While, yes, boys may tend to be physically stronger than some women, it should  not be a reason for women to slack off and remain weak. Natasha Romanoff is an example of a woman who fights for good, who doesn't let men domineer over her or belittle her. She has a purpose, a belief she stands for, and she is willing to be strong and fight for it. Yes, she takes down men, she conquers evil...I'm not sure why this is viewed as a bad thing? Since when has it become wrong to take down bad guys? Natasha Romanoff kicks ass. I love her character because I see how with a strong mind and a strong will, I can defend what I believe, too. I can strengthen my own skills, physically, mentally, and emotionally, to face a world of horrible things. I can fight to defeat evil.

Amelia Pond. Amy Pond from Doctor Who demonstrates strength in incredible ways. The woman who fights tooth and nail for her husband and daughter. The girl, who although so in love with the life of traveling and helping the Doctor save the world, didn't even hesitate to stay with her husband. The woman who learned that in order to stay with him, she would have to give up everything else she loved and actually have to face her greatest fears...and yet, she chose to. She chose to give everything up, to face her fears, all to be with her husband. Her strength is something to imitate.

Sam. What? Of course I had to choose a strong female character who shares my name! ;) Sam from The Perks of Being a Wallflower is not the obvious strong woman that most people notice. She is weak in the sense that she allows guys to use her. As she and Charlie discuss...

Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?
Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.

Sam originally accepts the love she thinks she deserves. But because of her friendship with Charlie (oh, my goodness, here I am again actually saying something *good* about a guy!) and his influence, Sam chooses to be strong. She chooses to reject those who held her down, the guys who belittled and used her. Instead, she chooses to reject that she's not good enough. She works hard to get into college, she chooses to stop dating the wrong kind of guy, and chooses to believe in something more than the love she believed she'd deserved. Her strength in choosing to leave weakness, to be strong, is inspiring.


What is it that all these fictional movie characters have in common? They chose to be strong...they defied the odds, they defied being held down by people who would belittle them. They chose to leave weakness and become strong. This is exactly the kind of example I love to see in the movie world. It is exactly the kind of imagery we as women need to see, to be encouraged by, to practice ourselves.

We need this kind of message in a world that would tear us down. A message of: be strong and take courage.

Next time...
Women of strength meets real life...

Women of Strength: Part 1.

This morning, hanging out with my friend Amy, we were discussing a blogpost written by an uber-conservative boy, reviewing the movie The Avengers. We strongly disagreed on his take of the movie, but...you know, to each his/her own, right?

Then I read something extremely disturbing.

Speaking of the Black Widow/Romanoff (played by Scarlett Johansson), this boy, named Gabriel Hudelson, wrote:

I wanted to conquer her, to remind her that I'm a man, and she's a woman, and she can't 'take me'.**

I've grown in a circle of friends where everyone looks down on tough women.  A girl who takes down guys? Sinful. Feminist. Unchristlike. These are the words attached to these women. But what this boy has written about this character goes beyond that. The thought this boy has portrayed implies an excuse to rape.  When has Christianity come to this? Belittling women and their strength? Where boys have to "conquer" women in order to prove their masculinity...where boys are so insecure and lazy that strong women scare them.

They should be scared. Maybe it'll scare the laziness out of them.

Just because a woman is strong, doesn't mean she isn't in alignment with God or rejecting femininity. Strong female characters are what the movie world needs.

As a woman, I don't need a man to save me. I don't need, nor want, a "knight in shining armor" to save me. Boys, I don't need you. The only person who can save me is God. Beyond that? Myself. This is not a post to promote feminism (though I am very much a supporter of feminists, in the sense that I seek equal rights)...this post is about women of strength.

God created me as an individual, to be strong and gifted and able to serve Him. To rely on Him. To be strong in Him. This means, I will be strong even when boys are weak, insecure, scared, lazy...I will not belittle myself, lower myself, pretend to be weak in order to boost a boy's ego. Who I am is not defined by a boy. I, myself, and my God define who I am. I prove my worth by following the calling of God, by using my God-given gifts to worship and serve Him, not boys. 

Do you notice how I keep using the word boy? I say this because only a boy would be insecure enough to implicate rape as a means of keeping women in control.

Women are not in need of being controlled. In fact, we are in need of being raised higher, our strengths being recognized and acknowledged and encouraged. We are strong because that is how we are meant to be, there is a need for strong women because the world needs to see, to understand, that women do not need men to be a strong person.  It is not a sin to be single and strong.

This is not to belittle marriage or a strong relationship between a husband and wife, where they support and encourage and lift each other up. This post is solely about the fact that women are meant to be strong and should never pretend to be weak when they are not. All for the sake of a boy.

Be strong, girls. Take courage, take initiative...create a life for yourselves! Do not rely on boys to define you. That is not how God has created us! Be who you were created to be, be strong because that is how He meant for you to be.


Next time...
Women of strength in movies are needed...

**Full blogpost found here:
http://allauthority.blogspot.com/2012/10/review-avengers.html

There Goes a Fighter

Life is about the mess-ups. The screw-ups. Falling down. The scars, emotional and physical. The pain, the hurt, the heartache.

It is these less than perfect moments that mold us into who we are. It is how we learn, it is what strengthens us, builds us up, causes us to become wiser and able to face what comes our way.


I've mentioned several times before that I am judged. But I am also accepted. I think, this year, the biggest step I've taken in my life and in helping me grow, is to accept who I am. I feel like eyes are on me, expecting me to be perfect, yet breaths are held, just waiting for me to fall and to fail.  People who disagree with my life choices, who are watching me, thinking that I WILL fail because they think I am not in alignment with God.

I see my friend Amy as she struggles with criticism and a lack of understanding as she embarks on a journey to a new country. People who watch her, expecting her, wanting her to fail.

I see my friend, a girl who chose a career over motherhood and how she is attacked for being ungodly...being watched by people who expect to see her fail because she's not following the supposed "will of God" for her life.

I see another friend who is seen as different and lives in sin for his life choices. I see the people around him, watching him, waiting for God to "strike him down".

I see a dear friend struggling with health issues and yet not letting that control her.

I see a kindred spirit pushing through physical restraints to accomplish her dreams.


What do I see in these friends? I see fighters. I see fear, judgment, pain, hurt, criticisms, scars, screw-ups, and heartache all faced with brave faces and strong wills yearning to overcome anything for lives meant to be lived. I see fighters fighting against the norm, fighting against the crowds boo-ing against them, all because they feel called to something. I see fighters living LIFE.

And I am inspired, I am filled with hope, I am encouraged by these people. I am drawn to them, I am in love with their bravery.

To you brave people in my life and to those of you out there who push through the hardships and to myself, I say,

Give em hell, turn their heads

Gonna live life til we're dead.

Give me scars, give me pain

Then they'll say to me, say to me, say to me

There goes the fighter, there goes the fighter

Here comes the fighter

That's what they'll say to me, say to me, say to me,

This one's a fighter

S'all good...

Warm weather means one very important thing: working out.

I've restarted doing the couch to 5K plan and I am amazed at my mindset this year. While last year I would have to drag myself out of bed each morning, completely unwillingly...some mornings I'd just skip it...and while running, I constantly battled negative thoughts about how I couldn't make the mark or how horrible I was at it.

This year, I get up each morning I'm supposed to run, and I make myself do it. And as I run, I am filled with a totally different voice. This year it is all, "You can do this. You can even push a little farther than today's goal. Just do a little more, a little more..." And funniest thing of all, I find myself actually craving to go running on my "rest" days instead of just every other day. It's as if my body is craving the endorphins...and that beautiful feeling of becoming stronger each day and knowing that I *can* do this.

After I got off work today, I dragged my running shoes back on to meet my doll-face Gen-Gen for some walking.
"I don't want to do this," I grumbled. I thought of the car drive there, the walking, and the drive home and just wanted to be lazy. (Sorry, Gen.)

But once my shoes were on, my music blaring in the car, with the windows rolled down, and wind blowing in, I had to admit...it was good.

waiting for slow-poke gen-gen

I walked nearly 3 miles with my girly as we talked and spilled our guts to each other, ranging from deep conversation on life and our purposes to grumblings about periods and lack of cute guys in our lives. And it was good. Good for the mind and the soul, to connect to someone who feels as I do, who sees the world through a similar yet different perspective.

I stumbled on a rock down one hill and twisted my ankle, having to come to a complete stop until the jarring pain minimized. (Then nearly choked on a gulp of water when the girly made me laugh. We seriously are awkward.) 
Now here I am icing my ankle, praying it's not bad and that it'll be fine to go running on Friday. Because running...it has been good for me. So we're hoping it's all good so that I can be good to run good to feel good. S'all good.