Good girls. 


I grew up, as a teenager, with the goal of being the "good girl". It was never something I really thought, "I'm going to be a good girl." Instead it was a mindset...the choices I made, the kind of life I led. 


What is the mindset of a "good girl"? What is the life of a "good girl"? The "good girl" mindset is where we strive so hard to please everyone around us. We *HAVE* to be seen as "good" by everyone. And if we fail, if we mess up, it is the end of the world to us. Dramatic? Yes but true. It's not that we just want to please people, it's a mindset where we feel we have to please people. 

As a teen, I would change my personality to fit whatever I thought would suit my friends. If a very conservative friend disliked certain movies, I would never breathe a word about how I watched those very movies, giving off the appearance that I agreed with this friend. Stupid? Lying? Deceiving? Whatever you want to call it. It was a result of being a "good girl" and wanting to please people. Lying/deceiving, you'll say, is not the result of a truly "good" girl. My point is: good girls will change themselves to please people. We are people pleasers. And for that reason, it is HARD for us to be ourselves because somehow we cannot please people by being ourselves. 

Another name for "good girls" may be "perfectionists". Things have to be perfect or we are a failure: we mess up means we are "bad". But my messing up wasn't the issue. My mindset was the issue that ended me up in a mess. 

I see this mindset in a lot of girls around me. The way they will change what they think, what they want, their goals, their dreams, their hopes...all for someone else. A guy, parents, friends, siblings, even strangers. 

Some of you may be thinking, "That's so shallow. To be constantly changing for everyone. It's living a lie." 

Others of you may think, "That's what living a life for God is like. You give things up for others. You put others first. It's being selfless." 
I have seen both reactions from people. 


Good girls, it's not true. Your worth is not defined by you changing yourself to please people. God made us as individuals. And no matter how hard we try to please people, there is always going to be someone we displease. We are human. We fail. We mess up. Changing who God really made you to be is not going to solve anything. 

Don't change who you are, don't change your goals: the life you feel led to live, for someone else. 
It's so easy to be persuaded by the people we want to please. But the problem with good girls is that we want to please everyone. Please God with how you live. Please God with your decisions. Live the life YOU were meant to live, do NOT change because of someone else. Embrace the fact that God made you the way you are for a reason. 

A girl is NOT made to please people. I've seen girls taught to please their parents. To please their dad. To please their husband. Girls who are made to give up the life God meant for them to live, because they are taught that their purpose in life is to serve their family/father/husband. Girls, we aren't made just to please those around us. We are WORTH so much MORE. Yes, some of us will be mothers/wives/keepers of the home. Some of us are called to that life. But we are not all called to the same life. Some of us are called to other lifestyles. But as "good girls", we can be easily led astray by those around us into the wrong life. 


"Good girls", it's okay if you displease someone. Bottom line: are you right with God? If yes, then do not listen to those around you, who want to turn you into someone else. As a "good girl" it is so dangerous to be around those people. As a "good girl" it is so easy to be taken advantage of. 
Failing to please someone does not make us "bad girls". Not pleasing everyone around us is not "bad". It is life. 

We will mess up, but it's not the end of the world. 


Yes, it is seen as "noble and good" to live a selfless life, where you give your dreams for others, etc. But sometimes it is not noble. "Good girls" are pushovers. And it's a mindset that controls our lives. A mindset should not be controlling my life. And I made the decision to reject the "good girl" lifestyle...I still struggle with it though. I used to feel like I wasn't worth much when I displeased people. That's how the "good girl" mindset works. When we displease, we feel like crap. Like we're horrible people. It's a bad mindset...one I had to work on to overcome, and still have to overcome sometimes. But ya know what? It's worth the struggle...cuz really, the biggest discovery I made was that the TRUE "good" girl, is the one who lives the life God wants her to live without being a pushover, whatever it may be.




*Reading suggestion for "good girls": "Grace for the Good Girl" by Emily Freeman...it helped me.