There are moments in spring that are just like music. 

Sunshine on green leaves is just like Arwen's Vigil by The Piano Guys. 

365

Day 109:

Writing letters

Day 110: 

Epic music for epic dreams

Day 111:

My bestie brought me a smoothie *heart* d'aww. 

Day 112:

I'd been waiting for this one for a while!

Day 113:

PR shots include borrowing Bob's coat...then using clamps to make the coat fit. :P 

Day 114: 

I won Best of Category for the Digital Photography category in my school's Spring Exhibit. #squee

 Day 115: 

The things I do to her...

Day 116: 

Juji wrote it, so it must be true.

Day 117:

First popsicles of the year. Last year they were in March.

This year in May.

Day 118:

Woody is a Confederate.

In his undies. 

Yeah. This is what I get when I run LEGOS club. :P

Day 119:

Juji: "Saaaaaaam, my HAIR."

Sam: "You're too little to care about stuff like that."

Day 120: 

This is how we get finals DONE. 

 Day 121: 

We have excellent tastes.

Day 122: 

Small town...

Day 123: 

She still has it even a year later!

Day 124:

Spring writing

Day 125:

First time reading...man, that was a CRAPPY ending.

Day 126: 

Dogfight AND a childfight. Worst combo ever.

Day 127:

It's POURING out there. I didn't wanna leave my car...

INFJ Conclusion

INFJs continued...

Conclusion:

I have changed over the years...I have lost weight, I have become smarter, less naive, and just as I have changed physically and gained more knowledge, so has my personality grown and changed throughout the years. Not that long ago, I would take the Myers-Briggs quiz and receive a result of ESFJ, which is a much more extroverted personality. Today I receive a result of INFJ. I'm not saying that an INFJ is exactly who I am...I don't like the idea of being able to cram all of myself into one box with one specific label. I am a person and I am shaped and changed by my life as I grow older. I cannot hold myself back, even if I wanted to. I do change. These last few posts have not been so much a way of labeling myself, as it has been in trying to attempt to capture who I am in this moment, in this day. Next year who knows which personality type result I would receive. Perhaps I'll have grown more out of my shell of introvertism, or perhaps I'll be the same. I can't say.

I do hope that I have managed to portray myself and introverts well through these blogposts. I recently saw someone post a comment on Facebook saying, "Extroverts rule the world."
Maybe that's true...more extroverts are in leadership positions than introverts are. Extroverts are people who gain energy by interacting with people, introverts gain energy by spending time alone. This does not make us, the introverts, worse or better than extroverts. Being extroverted, being an extreme people person does not make you better or worse than me. We are not all the same, we all have variations in personalities...there are even different varieties of introverts and extroverts. Just like there's an INFJ, there is also an ENFJ. There are introverts that do find it difficult to make friends and to even interact with others. I do not find it difficult to make friends, nor to talk to people. I do find it difficult to trust and let people in my "safety bubble", and I find it exhausting to be around people for long long periods of time.

Not convinced that introverts can be great? Well, let me share with you a little more about INFJ personality types:

INFJs:
...are doers as WELL as dreamers.
...are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals.
...are genuinely interested in others.
...have strong empathy.
...have great self-expression, especially in writing.
...have clarity of vision, both internally and externally.
...hold deep convictions.
...are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden.
...are affable and sympathetic to all.
...are reasonable and creative.
...are good listeners.
...are dedicated to achieving goals.
...take commitments seriously.

Do any of those sound negative? Do you know what kind of jobs most INFJs strive for?
- Religious work
- Counseling
- Doctors
- Teachers
- Psychologists
- Musicians/Artists
- Child care
- Photographers

Introverts are often misunderstood, overlooked, and even snubbed...we are sometimes made to feel guilty for being the way we are. And often we feel miserable for wanting to be people we cannot be. Introverts are great people, even if we never are in a leadership position. We are people who can make a difference.  Today, I am proud to say I am an introvert and that is okay.



References:
http://www.typelogic.com/infj.html
http://www.personalitypage.com/html/INFJ_car.html

INFJ Part 4

INFJs continued...

Why I am a Judger...

• I like to have things settled. Oh, gosh, yes. I hate not having a plan...I hate not knowing what to do, what to say, where to go, and how to do something BEFORE I have to do, go to, or say it. It makes me highly uncomfortable. In fact, I often act out scenarios in my head in order to prepare myself. Imagining how someone will respond and vice versa. 
• I take responsibilities seriously. Very seriously. If I have a job to get done, I am going to work HARD at it to get it done perfectly. Deadlines are not guidelines persay, they ARE THE RULE. I do not take responsibility lightly. I have a deathly fear of failure. 
• I pay attention to time and am usually prompt. Very much so. If I have an appointment, no way in hell am I not constantly looking at the time to make sure I don't have to leave yet. And I usually make a point of leaving somewhat early in order to arrive about 10 minutes ahead of time. Just in case...traffic's bad, or someone can take me in early...I like having 10 minutes of extra time, just in case. 
• I prefer to finish projects. Yes, indeed. I hate half-finished things. It makes me very antsy. I have notebooks of started novels that I'm still saving to finish one day. The idea of just giving up on them entirely ruffles my feathers. Even if they are crappy. This is not to say I haven't entirely given up on something, I have. It's just harder for me to. It's hard for me to let go completely. I am loyal, consistent, and stubborn. Finished things make me feel satisfied and complete. That's why I get so upset if something doesn't end well. 
• I tend to work first, play later. YES. I do not understand the people who "eat dessert first" or go out then spend their evening cramming their homework and studying in. It would nag at my mind to know I have unfinished work...and this would cause me to be unable to enjoy my "play". Work and responsibilities first...get them done efficiently and well and I can "play" quite contentedly. This is one reason I hate having assignments that you can't actually work on til a certain time or day. It's like, "I have free time NOW and I wanna get the work done!!" 
• I see the need for closure. Just as I like having finished projects, I have this strong need for closure. And it is hard for me to accept things without closure. It was hard for me to accept my friend's death, friendships and relationships that end crappily. I need a good, peaceful closure in order to feel "right". If I don't get a good sense of closure, I spend a lot of time feeling guilty and regretting things and just plain miserable. 
• I see the need for most rules. Haha, I am a rule follower. I like rules. I like guidelines. It helps in getting things done RIGHT and WELL. I have to be careful, though, not to become too legalistic when it comes to rules. Some rules aren't good and I try to realize that. 
• I like to make and stick to plans. I don't know how many times I will say this. :P I LOVE plans. I like the knowing what will happen. I am not very spontaneous. *sheepish* I like consistency and order. I wish sometimes that I didn't. I'd like to be able to loosen up and just go with the flow sometimes. I think my fiction writing is my release in this way. When it comes to essays and blogposts, I try to follow a structured form. (Bullet points anyone? :P) But when it comes to novels, I just write what NEEDS to be written. It comes out as it comes out...often that's messily. 
• I find comfort in schedules. How else will you know if you have enough time each day for everything you have to do? 

Many people view the J letter in a negative light...they see "Judger" or "Judging" and think it means that a person is very judgmental or negative about others. This is not true. In this case, it simply means we make decided judgments/decisions in life and follow through with them. We make plans, we prefer structure and schedules. This has nothing to do with other people, merely how an individual's mind works. 

Next time...Conclusion. 

INFJ Part 3

INFJs continued...

Why I am a Feeler:

• I decide based on feeling. How do I judge something? Much like my intuitive nature, I base decisions on feelings. Shopping: Do I like this top? No. Yes. Hardly ever is it maybe. I either like it or I don't. However, on the other hand, I have a very reasonable mind. Or rather, I try to curb my feelings and not allow them to control me. As a girl it is very easy for me to give in to my feelings and hormones, but at the same time I have a reasoning mind that conflicts with the emotions. 
• I appear warm and friendly. Depends who you're talking to. My besties tell me I am very cool and standoffish...the Ice Queen. But then, there are friends at school who tell me they sat next to me in a class or approached me because I seemed nice. I am the girl who is forever approached by friends and strangers for help or just a listening ear. It really is funny how people confide in me in so short of a time. I don't *try* to invite it, particularly, and yet it happens. I'm told I'm much too sympathetic. 
• I am convinced by how I feel. Sometimes. A lot of the time when I don't like someone or something, it's because I just have a *feeling*. And it can be hard for me to reason why. For instance...I, as an introvert, do NOT like being touched. It is hard for me to put into words *why*. The only person whose hugs I enjoy are my 5 year old sister's. Everyone else's make me highly uncomfortable. A lot I put up with because it is expected. But there are times when just the thought of being hugged makes my mind completely cringe and get all anxious. It is just incredibly uncomfortable for me. And like I said, it's hard to reason why. It's just a feeling. A sense of discomfort that I have.
• I am diplomatic and tactful. I try to be at least. Generally speaking, when writing something controversial I tend to write and rewrite it at least 2-3 times before I post it. And when debating a subject, I try to NOT get someone mad at me. I hate hate conflict. Oftentimes, however, I get caught up in my own passion that I forget about the other person. This creates conflict and I have to backpedal quickly. :P 
• I value harmony and compassion. So true. I will do whatever it takes to avoid conflict and controversy and confrontations. (Those evil C words). I much prefer peacefulness and getting along. I tend to drop things when I sense myself getting too angry. Or I try to. I am unsuccessful a lot of the time. I much prefer harmony to fighting, though. I realize, however, there are some battles that must be fought. Especially when putting up boundaries. Compassion is very close to my heart. I am the girl who roots for the underdog, who cries over photographs of pain and suffering, who desires more than anything to make something better...I hate when my 5 year old sister feels uncomfortable or in pain or scared. Stories of child abuse, the sex slave trade...stories of tragedy...they totally get to me and break my heart. 
• I take things personally. Ouch. Yes. It is hard for my ego when someone snaps my pride in half. Or when someone laughs at me. Or when someone points out some fault in my life. As a perfectionist this is REALLY hard for me to accept and I *do* take it personally. It's a struggle in my life to understand that some comments people make are meant to be taken as personally as I take them. I have to remind myself of the speaker and intent behind a comment, rather than the words themselves. 
• I am quick to compliment others. I'm not entirely sure about this...I mean, I try to. Probably more so to acquaintances/friends than those closest to me, mainly because I take those around me for granted. Shameful but true. 
• I am motivated by appreciation. Oh yes. Especially in the form of words. A praise makes my day! I take people's words too personally so it is very easy to encourage or discourage me through words. A praise, however, motivates me to continue on and to do better. 
• I avoid arguments and conflicts. Ugh, yes. It makes me highly uncomfortable. There is nothing I hate more than verbal screaming matches. Scares the hell out of me.

Because I am such a feeler I have a tendency to love and hate people. There is a strong desire to help those who are hurting, and yet, there are times when I just LOATHE being around people. As a feeler I want to save the weak, yet as an introvert I just want to be left alone.                                       Also, as a feeler...I find it hard to trust people. I have to fully trust a person in order to feel completely comfortable around them, in order to allow them to fully know me. And it takes an ever rarer type that I enjoy having touch me in the form of a hug. As I said, at the moment, it is only one person, which is hard to explain why. It's just the way it is. 

Next time...Judger. 

INFJ Part 2

INFJs continued...

Now that we've skimmed what it's like for me as an Introvert, it's time to move onto the next letter...

Why I am iNtuitive:

• I focus on the big picture & possibilities. I have this tendency to plan ahead. And while yes, that can sometimes mean zoning in on the details, oftentimes, I am contemplating a big picture. This is a bit harder to describe. It is like...I contemplate the idea of going into a career of photojournalism. This is huge. It's life-changing! Once I have this big picture in my mind of me as a photojournalist, I then explore the possibilities and paths I have laid out before me in order to get to that big picture. Perhaps this is a trait of my synesthesia, but in my mind this is laid out very much like a big circle with various lines sticking out of it, like paths. I have to choose one of those lines/paths to lead into the big circle. 
• I admire creative ideas. Creativity amazes me. Crafts, art, the way my prof. comes up with all these makeshift gadgets to replace actual equipment in the photography studio. Seriously...tin foil? Easy-peasy...it's a barn door OR it's a reflector. 
• I notice anything new or different. Oh, yes, do I ever. One day before I got to work, my boss switched a bookcase around. It was a small bookcase, one that really wasn't that noticeable and it really wasn't too huge of a change. And yet, as soon as I walked in the door, I noticed it. It's like an unconscious PING! on my disturbance radar. Something sayin, "Hey, hey, something's different here...someone messed up the pattern!" 
• I think about future implications. All. the. time. I am the girl that thinks, What if. I am constantly exploring what could happen if I did such and such a thing. "If I get this assignment done early, I can do such and such tomorrow..." "What would happen if I..." It's the never ending question in my head. I'm starting to realize that I may over-think more than most people...
• I trust my gut instincts. If something feels wrong, then something is WRONG. Not always, but it's a feeling I cannot shift. Again, my synesthesia seems to play a part in this. If someone has a bad color, generally, at the same time I have a "bad feeling" about them. I go with my gut instinct and avoid them. If I feel like something is a bad choice but cannot express a reason why, then I prefer to not do it. If I feel like something is a good choice but cannot express a reason why, then I prefer to do it. I don't know how many times I've said, "Just because..." annoying the heck out of someone. It can't be just because! They may say. But sometimes that's just how it is. It's my gut instinct. 
• I like to learn new skills. If I like a skill, I wanna learn it. To this day, I would love to learn: a second language, to play guitar, to dance, to shoot a firearm, to garden, to make films...I have this love/hate relationship with learning. I *love* the satisfaction of learning to do something *well* but I do not always enjoy the work it takes getting there. 
• I like to figure things out for myself. This is not completely true. I best learn by imitation. But I also learn best by getting my hands on whatever I'm learning and just trying it out myself. So all I need is for someone to show me how and then give me the time and patience to try to imitate. 
• I work in bursts of energy. So so true. I tackle projects. I say to myself, "Okay, we're going to get this done." Then I put ALL of me into it and get it done as quickly and efficiently and well done as I possibly can. I sat down and spent 6 hours straight working on my big paper. Remember how I have to work myself into concentration mode? If I break that concentration mode then I have to work back into it. Seems like such a waste. Which is why breaks only come once I've finished a project. 
  

Perhaps this is where I may get to say, "It's my woman's intuition." This is where a lot of the inner-conflict comes in. I like reason, I like knowing the details and the how and what and why. I like understanding. But I also have an instinct. And this instinct conflicts with my desire to know WHY. I had an English teacher who pulled me aside after I had finished her class and told me I have a really great insight when it comes to people and writing. At the time I shrugged it off because it just comes easy for me to guess the how and why behind a character's feelings and actions in an essay or short story. But perhaps this is my intuition. 

On the downside, I prefer to trust myself rather than other people...and in order for me to change my mind about something, someone has to be very convincing in a differing opinion. Backed up by facts and reason. I'm trying to be much more open to considering differing opinions, especially since I know I was so wrapped up into being right as a teenager. And now that I believe much differently than I did as a teenager, I know that I have to be open to change. 

Next time...Feeling. 

INFJ Part 1

Growing up, I've always had a sense of conflict within me, personality-wise. I grew up deathly afraid and shy of people. I'm not sure why or how that sense of fear was instilled into me, but I remember being terrified as a toddler, and refusing to greet even my grandparents. As I grew older, I came slowly out of my shell. Soon I found it easy to talk to people, to start up a conversation, to enjoy the connection the socializing. 

The fear was gone. However, there were days when I found myself just completely opposed to interacting with people. The idea of just stopping in Dunkin Donuts to order a coffee from someone made me feel particularly crabby. I know many people assumed it was because I was shy and didn't want to make the face-to-face connection with a stranger.  But it wasn't. I just didn't *feel* like doing it. There's no other way to describe it. I went days feeling like I loved the world, only to switch to feeling completely withdrawn the next day.  Even within one day, I could go a whole morning chipper and exuberant and talkative...then suddenly in the afternoon, I hated people and just wanted to be alone. 

Slowly, as the years have gone by, I've discovered more and more about myself, learning exactly who I am and how my mind and personality actually work. I know I've changed somewhat as time has passed. When one of my best friends died two years ago, I withdrew into myself, a drastic shift that drew out more of my introverted side. Of course I denied being a full-on introvert. I couldn't possibly be an introvert. Not the way I was so people-friendly at times! Besides, being an introvert wasn't a positive thing. It meant you were scared and shy...and I wasn't scared or shy. I just liked to be alone a lot. 

I now know today that being an introvert is not a bad thing at all. And it doesn't mean you are either scared or shy at all! In fact, there are many different varieties of introverts. Just exactly who am I? 

I am an INFJ. What is an INFJ? Well, to begin with we INFJ's apparently make up only 1% of the population (I have no idea how true this is), which makes us a rare type of personality. 

I stands for Introvert. 

N stands for iNtuitive. 

F stands for Feeling. 

J stands for Judging. 

This personality is also known as The Protector. I am writing this to share with you what it is like inside my head. To help people understand why it is that I am so withdrawn sometimes, why I may appear to be snubbing someone when I'm really not...why I can become so distant, why I have odd quirks, and what it is that makes me tick. 

Let me begin with: 

Why I am an Introvert:

• I have limited energy. Every day I wake up with an amount of energy. Imagine a battery. Some mornings I wake up with my battery very full. And as my day goes by, I am using some of that energy for everything I do. Talking to strangers, interacting in class, helping patrons at my job, concentrating on homework, struggling to get an assignment done...everything uses a bit of this energy. Some days, the battery isn't as full when I wake up. This occurs when I haven't had sufficient rest for my physical body AND my mind. Both need to be fully charged and rested in order for my energy battery to be full. 
• I am a great listener.  I know there are many who look at me with disbelief when they hear me say this, because I am known to be quite a talker at times. But the way I work is, I go through spells of talking and spells of listening. Sometimes when people assume I'm being quiet because of shyness or fear, I'm really just taking a step back to listen and observe, taking in my surroundings. You'd be amazed just how much I listen. 
• I think quietly inside my head. You wouldn't believe what it's like inside my head. It is like a movie, with a narrator (me) talking to myself and viewing things. Perhaps this is enhanced by my photography training to see and note all that is around me. Either way, I think quietly and quite a lot inside my head. 
• I think then act.  I am a planner. I am so very uncomfortable when people make spontaneous plans with me or expect me to change at the last second or to make a decision contrary to original plans. Yesterday, I went for a drive with my best friend. Not knowing where we were going to end up had me flustered and starting to stress. I had to stop and say, "We are going here." just to settle my mind. I think, I plan before I act. 
• I feel comfortable being alone.  I know people think I am shutting myself off from the world, and I am. I know people think it is unhealthy for me to be alone so much. And I know some people don't understand why it is that I *enjoy* being alone. But if you only knew! The comfort of just having stillness. Of blocking out all the voices of other people, and just letting listening to *myself* for a change. Or just sitting quietly. It is my recharge time. It is when my energy battery is filling up. And as an introvert, who is in constant contact with other people, my battery runs out fast. I need as much time as I can possibly get to recharge. Otherwise it's like my system fails. I wish I could let you inside my mind to see how it can get with no energy. The chaos. The complete exhaustion and mixed up feelings. It is overwhelming. 
• I have good powers of concentration. So long as I can be left alone, I can work myself into a good concentration. It always helps when I have my earbuds in with music playing. I am not actually listening to the music the majority of the time, it is merely a way of blocking out distractions until my mind can get set into concentration mode. And then I become oblivious to those around me. It is key, however, for me to be able to work into that mode of concentration. I simply cannot just switch it on. I have to work up toward it. 
• I prefer to focus on one thing at a time. This is so true. I become easily flustered and mixed up when people try to make me consider various things at the same time. I work through one thing at a time. It is why I don't do so very well at debates in person. Because I don't have time to work things through in my mind and take each point one at a time. It stresses me out when I have to consider several things. This is why it is so easy for me to feel overwhelmed with my homework projects. I feel the pressure of all the work and have to remind myself to take one thing at a time. It's how my mind works. 
• I am self-contained and reserved. I do not like to show my emotions. If I'm sad or upset I don't like to talk about it. I tend to bottle things inside. It is only when I have been driven to a breaking point...when I'm over-the-top excited or mad or sad that things seem to bubble over. 

Next time...iNtuitive.