I am now 23 years old.

In the past 2 years, I have changed at a fast rate. My ideals, my goals, my dreams, my beliefs. In just 6 months, I've come from: meeting someone to a break-up, learning how much I can push myself when it comes to self-discipline, conquering fears, learning to face things on my own, learning to decide what it is I want and where my talents lie and who I am as me...not as the person a guy, my family, my friends, or strangers expect me to be.

My last speech for my speech class was a motivational speech. I had to pretend it was 10 years from now, 2022, and that I had returned to my school to give a speech to the graduating class about how my life has gone and how I got to that place. In a way I was supposed to motivate them in their own lives. 

Where do I see myself in 10 years? I'm really not sure. What do I want, though? 

I want to be shooting photography. I have this strong love of photography. Nothing feels so right as a camera in my hand. It feels like home. I feel like me. Me, the person I really am. The girl who loves and hates people. Who loves to chat with friends yet needs her alone time. The girl who thinks in colors, who cries over war films, relaxes with a pair of knitting needles in her hand...the girl who automatically stands up straighter and walks confident and tall when she's most afraid. The girl who detests cold and peas. The girl who doesn't like to be touched, who enjoys strange humor, loves coffee, who feels strongly and passionately about things, is loyal to a fault...everything that makes me, me. It all defines me. Photography defines a part of me. And that is how God created me. I thank Him often for bringing me down a path, which has not always been easy, but at least brings me closer to the two things I desire most: Him and photography. 

I am thankful that He defines me, and not a guy, strangers, acquaintances, or anyone else. 

I am me. And that is good enough. 

My heart breaks for every family that lost someone last week, in the Connecticut school shooting. 

As I look over the photos and names and ages of each little boy and girl killed, I can't help but tear up and think, "They were just Juji's age." 

Today, I remember to appreciate every second I have with her

as well as all my lil siblings. Because tomorrow is never a guarantee. 

I loves my Juji, my lil sis that I'm training to be just like me. 

The lil stinker that's full of attitude and sarcasm and goofiness.

*hugses*

Okay. So what's up. 

Well, for starters, I'm being horrible and not studying for my last final like I should be. 

One side of my mind keeps saying, "Dude, you've only studied for it like twice. That's not enough. You have a ton of memorizing to do." 

And the other side of my mind says, "Eeeh, I've got all of Tuesday and Wednesday to stuuuudy. It's practically winter vacaaaaation and I don't have claaaaasses, so I have all this freeeeeee time to paint my  nails, goof off, knit, read, watch a tv episode..." 

And apparently post on my blog. 

Yes, my mind has two personalities that hold conversations. Don't judge. 

In other news: it's winter. Ugh. 

Rain and sleet = iceeeee, people!

I now work Sundays in housekeeping at a hotel (well, "now" meaning for like the past month or so...), and yeah, I soooo love it. ;) Especially the early morning on a weekend. 

But it brings in the little extra I need for school next semester. 

My face shows how much I love it. ;) And oh, I get an awesome uniform. :P With a shiny name-tag. lol. 

So what do I do after a long day of picking up dirty linen & trash, and vacuuming halls? 

I shower, put on my favorite "I *heart* Batman" t-shirt, and watch "The Dark Knight Rises". 3 awesome, sexy dudes in 1 movie? Um, yeeeeeeeees. :D Christian Bale! Joseph Gordon-Levitt! Tom Hardy!

Too bad Tom Hardy's face and voice are indistinguishable. *sad*

It's still one awesome movie, 2nd viewing. 

Happy Hanukkah!

Hey! So. What's a-goin on in Sam's life? 

The plague!

The curse!

The misery!

The pain!

The agony!

The studying!

Yeah. It's called finals. What else? :P 

This is how Sam gets studying done: 

pretty high on coffee for starters, on her first cup of chai tea, notebook and textbook and assigned studying spread out. What you don't see is all the papers on my floor that are filled with  notes and extra text stuffage. 

Hahahahahahahahahaha, do you seriously think I'm *that* good and just study? 

Hell no. Especially  not on coffee. 

There's a tooooooooon of procrastinating goin on too. There's the enticements of the internet...

and then there's the enticements of sharpie pens. 

But there's DEFINITELY epic music involved. Two Steps from Hell, you are my heroes this semester. *heart heart*

But, if Sam's a good gal and gets all her studying done, then she can have some

Bond-iiiing time tonight. Bond-ing...get it? 

Yeah, well, I thought it was funny. 

For the record, Daniel Craig is my fav. Bond. Sexaaaay.

Haha, good luck to the rest of you peeps with finals! Me? Well...

4 classes down

3 finals to go

tick tock!

Why is Sam smiling so gleefully while looking completely exhausted at 11:30p.m. on a Tuesday night (November 27th) and giving a thumbs up sign? Isn't it obvious from my face???

At the risk of sounding like I'm crowing (Okay, so I am!): I freakin won NaNoWriMo again! :D After a long, long day on the 27th, I hit what I thought was the 50,000 word mark. I punched my story into the NaNoWriMo website counter and discovered that they didn't consider 2,000 of my words to actually be words like OpenOffice had. It was 9:30p.m. And I being the stubborn gal that I am, said, "What the hell. I'm just gonna finish." So I did. 11:30p.m. I was giving my iphone a thumbs up sign and then fell into bed, dead but victorious. 3 days early too. And let me tell you: it is absolutely crazy to try to write a 50,000 word novel WHILE going to school full-time and working part-time. Crazy. I have no idea why I thought it would be fun. Half the time, I wasn't particularly enjoying writing...I did it out of sheer stubbornness, because my pride would not allow me to admit defeat and give up. When I start something, I hate to be seen as a failure, so I have to finish it. It's a curse and a blessing. NaNo has shown me just how I am such a perfectionist. I can't give up even when it really doesn't matter if I do. Not appearing as a failure is way too important to me. And it was obvious through my stubbornness. On the other hand, I am proud to say that I did NOT let my perfectionist side win the upper hand in the writing process. Instead of stopping constantly to edit and perfect the storyline, I forced myself to just write. And yes, while the story is complete and utter crap, at least I can admit that and not feel ashamed or like a failure. It is crap! The plot has way too many holes, there are far too many characters...to the point of being confusing...and it has a weird ending (Seriously? She goes insane??? Whaaa??) but I'm proud of it being so crappy. Because it means I allowed it to remain that way. It's not a big deal and I didn't stress about it. I'm the perfectionist who finally can say I'm okay with something that's not perfect.

And that feels good.

It's been forever since I've posted! Sowwy.

What have I been up to lately? Well, SCHOOL for starters! This semester will most likely be my easiest semester. It's certainly been my favorite semester so far. Don't get me wrong, I'm still busy as ever and I still stress out about trying to get perfect grades and doing things perfectly. But I love my classes (for the most part). My photography classes have been nothing but funness. I'm surrounded by friends and photography and I love it. It's the highlight of my week. I'm surrounded by people who make me laugh, who get the corny photography jokes, who love photography as much as me, and it is GOOD.

One of my favorite classes so far was when we spent two fun hours in a darkroom, developing one of our own photos, each of us. It's magic to see how it all works out.

Besides school what have I been up to? Well, it's November! That alone should tell you what I'm up to! :P But for those of you who really don't know, November = CRAZY month! FUN month! INSANE month! In other words: NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), where you write a 50,000 word novel from Nov. 1st-Nov. 30th. 

It is currently day #9, and I have 22,000 words. (Yup, I'm ahead.) I was crazy and went all ballistic on the first few days, trying to write as much as I could. Those first few days I was writing about 4,000 words per day. I'm now only writing about 2,000 per day. Proof: (this was on the 3rd day). According to the stats on my profile, I'll be finished my Nov. 20th, my bday. Happy bday to me! ;) We'll see. I have a bunch of school projects due in the next two weeks, so I'll most likely have less time to write. 

But what else fills my time? Well, I have been making time to knit, watch movies/tv shows, read (some!), and drink toooooooooons of tea! But I'm also kept busy with work! Yup, I'm still surrounded by books galore! And look! Shocker! Sam wears glasses! Oh mah. 

How has your November been?