Part 1: I Am Judged

I am judged.

Wherever I go, I run into people who place judgments on me. I run into people who believe it is their "duty" to bash a Bible over my head, who feel it's "right and good" to shame and guilt me...to place me inside a box and tape the lid over my head. I run into people who take it upon themselves to implicate that I am not a Christian.  That because I live my life differently, then I am in sin.

The other day, I had a friend message me to tell me I was shameful for pinning photos of girls in bikinis on my Pinterest. "Supporting girls who dress slutty like prostitutes gives people an impression of yourself."   
I am judged for photos. And for the way I dress.

I've been told it is dangerous to read certain books. I am judged for reading Harry Potter, Pride & Prejudice and Zombies, Narnia, Lord of the Rings.
I am judged for what I read.

I've been told music with any kind of beat is of the devil. And I have been told that listening to Katy Perry, Rihanna, Avril Lavigne, and other such "godless feminists" only encourages me in a life away from God.
I am judged for the music I listen to.

I've been told I will no longer be pure if I use "swears" such as "hell" and "shit" and "damn".
I am judged for words.

I've been told that to watch a movie with a PG-13 or higher rating means that I am filling my life with filth.
I am judged for what I watch.

I receive emails, letters, private messages from girls (and guys) telling me that I appear "too blunt", "as a feminist", "too out-spoken". As a woman, I am supposed to be soft-spoken, demure, quiet, and just keep my mouth shut.
I am judged for who I am.

I have been told I live a legalistic life...I've been told I'm much too liberal, that I am not living my life according to God's way. I have been told out-right I am in sin, I have been told underhandedly that I need to rethink my life.
I am judged for what I believe.

That is what life is...

I have gone through my life feeling like I don't fit in, that I SHOULD fit in. As a teen, I felt like my very nature was all wrong. I felt that I was too loud, too obnoxious, too opinionated...and that people didn't like it. So I gave in, I tried to fit myself into other people's boxes. I tried to be quiet, and keep my mouth shut, and reject what I truly believed. I tried because I was a people pleaser. But it never stuck. Always, my true personality would make it's way out...I am not a quiet person when it comes to stating my opinion, and I am very opinionated. And when I believe something, I believe it hard.

I am told I'm not spiritual enough. My spiritual walk is just that. Mine. It is special, it is unique, it is personal. It is mine. What I discuss with God, what He says to me...it is treasured. And I don't need to share everything with the world. I've had people tell me to read certain Bible verses, listen to certain sermons, certain songs, read certain books...all because they doubt my Christianity, doubt that I am strong in my faith.

It is hard. And it wears me down.  My sister told me, "Right now, I think you need to be loud, but it does have a downside. You attract the judgers as well as people who agree." 

"Friends"...those of you who judge me, I have something I want to share with you.

I love God with my whole heart. Just because I listen to certain music, read certain books, watch certain movies, say certain words, believe certain things...just because I am different from you, doesn't mean God loves me less. 

I want you to know, I am not easily swayed. When I believe something, it is because I considered it long and hard. God is very much present in my life decisions.

I want you to remember...I am human. Yes, I fail in my walk with God. Yes, I mess up. But I am only human. Words and actions and judgments still hurt. You have no right to try to change me. It is not your place. I know I can fail and judge others too. I am guilty of it myself. But I want to share with you the quote that I constantly remind myself.

"When I think of my own failings, it allows me to look at others with tolerance and acceptance and forgiveness." 

I am not asking you to agree with me on my lifestyle or the choices I make. I am asking, if you are trying to be a true friend, put forth tolerance and acceptance. And I will extend you the same courtesy. In fact, I will try to extend the same courtesy even though you don't extend the same to me.

I know I will always be judged. It's what happens when someone publicly says or does anything differently. I expect it. But today I want to encourage tolerance and acceptance. I want to encourage grace.

I am judged but it's not going to change me.  I am who God made me to be.  I am where He wants me to be.  I am working on the woman He created me to be.  And I have accepted that.  Can you?




Watch for Part 2: I Am Accepted