Silly Girl

My closest friends will tell you...

I am loud. I am passionate. I can be obnoxious. I am opinionated. And I am not afraid of sharing those opinions.
I can be bitchy and have my off days where I seem to make everyone angry at me.

My friends show me grace because they know I'm better than my bitchy moments. They hold me back when I'm tempted to say more than I should. They tell me when I'm crossing a line and when I really should rethink how I approach people.

But.

They also know, I take life seriously. My opinions? My loudness? My passions? Nothing is formed lightly. I think through things. Over and over and over. I am a perfectionist. I work hard and and try to perfect myself. When I see how I am wrong, I try to refocus. I may be bitchy at times but I never take serious matters lightly. While I may not always come right out and say exactly what it is I believe, I am an open book to anyone who asks me. I have nothing to hide when it comes to my beliefs, my faith, my morals. I realize that anything I write on this blog is out there for the public to see. And yes, it's made me re-think posts, it's made me hesitate. I go with my gut instinct. If I feel a hesitation, then I generally take the post back. I trust  my intuition. And if I feel I may be crossing a line, I run the posts across a best friend...several best friends sometimes.

I know some people come to my blog and see it merely as a silly girl's blog, a silly girl's pointless words, a silly girl acting all bitter toward men and promoting feminism, a silly girl shouting into the wind.

Maybe I am silly. Maybe I am shouting into the wind. But I am serious. I think hard about things, I try to understand things, and I write about things because writing is how I best express myself.
If I see something I strongly disagree with out there in the world then I do not belittle those concerns or fears. I think about them, I try to understand them, and then if I still feel strongly, I write about them.

I won't lie and say I don't care what people think about me. But the fact is...unless a person genuinely cares about me, and me about them, then I really don't care. The opinions of people who don't know me don't upset me.

I used to care, I used to form myself into a different girl for each friend, suiting my personality to each person. I wasn't myself. I am through with that and I will no longer hide when I feel strongly about something. People, if you feel something is right, then don't hide from it.

Silly, I may be, but I am not a girl. I am an adult. I am a woman. I am my own person, forming my own opinions. I am under the authority of no one but my God. I am me. Sam. I am not just a human being. I am a person. I am serious, loud, obnoxious, bitchy, concerned...and I'm done hiding it.

Women of Strength: Part 3

Women of strength in  movies is great and all, and I definitely find encouragement to be more kickass, to pursue my dreams, to live life to the fullest, to not take crap from others, to laugh off the criticism, and to never falter even when people frown. I am encouraged to stand up for what's right, even in standing up to what I believe are damaging blog posts.

We've already covered women of strength in movies...what about the strong women in real life?

I look around me and admire the women I see around me. While, yes, I have those people in my life that talk down to women, believe they're subjected to men, and should "submit" and be "controlled" by men...I also am surrounded by the encouraging, wonderful, beautiful, strong women who are forging a path, whether it be side by side with a husband or on their own. They are true to themselves, never demeaning themselves to a man's wishes. And it is so incredible to see how their lives are good, encouraging, and doing good in this world! Who are these women who have impacted our world?


Jael. Yes, I am using an example from the Bible. This woman seriously was awesome. Little is written about her but what was written is pretty cool. First of all, she is linked to a story involving another awesome woman: Deborah! Because Barak wouldn't carry out God's plans unless Deborah went him, God allowed a woman to "save the day", so to speak.  While being chased by Barak and his men, Sisera made his way to Jael's tent. There she enticed him in, gave him something to drink, and allowed him to fall asleep in her own tent. Once he was asleep, what did this woman do? She defeated him. She nailed a tent peg into his head. She conquered the enemy and God so wished it. Instead of delivering Sisera into the hand of Barak, God allowed a woman "take down" the enemy. It's amazing how "Christians" will criticize fictional women in movies for "taking down" the enemy, instead of allowing the "heroes" do the work. God allowed a woman to have the credit of taking down an enemy that was being pursued by a man. Funny how that worked out. Jael was brave and strong and defeated the enemy because she could. 

Harriet Tubman. What a woman. Raised as a slave, born to a like of submission and being controlled being owned by a man, Harriet managed to escape. Having experienced the torture of slavery, Harriet returned not once not twice to help other slaves escape but 19 times, helping hundreds of fellow slaves. As a child, she had been beaten by her masters and been injured in the head. Because of her injury, she suffered from seizures, black-outs, and headaches. In spite of that, and in spite of the fact that she faced torturous punishment, even death, as a result of helping slaves escape, she heard a calling and listened. Harriet listened to the calling for her life and it wasn't staying at home or being protected by a man. Instead this strong woman protected and saved others. She saved lives at the risk of her own. You cannot find a more encouraging and brave example of a woman.

Irena Sendler. This woman was yet another that stood strong in the face of pain and death in order to save lives. When the Warsaw ghetto was built during WWII, Irena managed to smuggle more than 2500 children out of the ghetto and relocated them with various families who hid and cared for them. Not only that, but Irena managed to keep track of each child, writing down their names and where she had them placed. She stored all their names in a jar, which she buried to find at a later time. Captured by the Nazis, Irena was tortured...her legs and arms were broken and she was beaten. In spite of this, she revealed nothing and the children she had managed to smuggle out were saved. After the war, Irena was able to help reunite the children with their families.
This woman did what it took to stop the enemy from killing the innocent. She did what needed to be done, even when tortured. She was a woman, strong and determined against the enemy. She didn't sit back and let men do the saving...she saw the opportunity to do good and did it.

Dorothea Lange. I don't think many people view Dorothea as a woman of strength but she truly was a heroine. As a photographer, Dorothea saw how damaging the Great Depression was and stepped into the streets to capture the real life among the homeless and jobless. Through her photography, the reality of the Great Depression was placed before the public and impacted society into creating a change.  This woman faced the heaviness of the Great Depression. Her photographs didn't depict happy circumstances. Instead, this woman stood strong, capturing reality as it was: hard, heart-breaking...starving families, jobless men and women, mothers desperate to feed their children...Dorothea didn't stay inside her studio, creating a living for herself. She went out into the world and faced the horrible truth that few wanted to see. She was strong in revealing the truth when the truth needed to be revealed.


Like the movie heroines I listed in my previous post, these real-life heroines faced the odds, danger, pain, even death to do what was right. They didn't sit at home, letting the burdens of the world fall to the men. They pursued what they felt they needed to do. They took down the enemy when it was in their power to do so, the chose to do what was right when it was hardest to do so. I see these women and I feel empowered, encouraged, and inspired. If these women can create a life for themselves, pursue their dreams, choose to do right even when it was hard, who is there to say I cannot do the same? Who can be against me, when I have a calling? God gave me gifts, He gave me strengths, He gave me intelligence and the power to learn. With these gifts, strengths, intelligence...with all of these powers, I have the opportunity to become a woman of strength.
I was not born to just sit around and let men save the day. I was not born to become merely a man's instrument. I was made for more. I was made to serve and worship God in everything! I have a calling and I am called to be a woman of strength. No man, no woman, no one is going to take that away from me. For who is against me, when He is for me?

Women of Strength: Part 2

There is a lot of criticism out there about the women movies depict these days. I find it rather funny...because while there are many in Christian circles that criticize them, I am excited by them. I am encouraged, I am driven to be strong myself...

My theory is this...men in some Christian circles are scared by the idea of strong women.

I'm sure I've raised quite a few eyebrows with my words yesterday...

"Boys, I don't need you."

So horribly feminist of  me! However, this isn't about being a feminist. In fact, I rather love males. I have some terribly good male friends, I love dates, I love hanging out with guys, and I desire marriage someday. Guys, this is nothing personal. Obviously, we need guys in order to keep up the human race, and they're awfully useful to have around, not to mention fun and interesting. But as I keep saying...this isn't about feminism or belittling marriage or even about belittling guys. This series of post is about strong women, and only strong women.

As I've mentioned, girls, we don't need men/boys to be strong. We don't need boys to save us if we can do it ourselves. This is why I believe women of strength in movies are needed. Shall we take a look at how and why these women are great?


Katniss Everdeen. Oh, yes, you knew she was coming. What better place to start? She's all the rage right now, due to the series being turned into movies.
Katniss is a young teenage girl, living in a time of horror. Her country is needlessly killing off her peers in order to control the people. Not wanting to get involved and intent on watching over her fatherless family, Katniss keeps her head down, careful not to draw attention. Then the day comes when her little sister's name is drawn...drawn for almost certain death.
Katniss is a woman of strength...she shows the power of sacrifice and love by taking the place of her sister. Her love for her family is so strong she is willing to do what most people would not do...she faces death.

Natasha Romanoff/The Black Widow. Why are weak women in need of being rescued so desirable in the Christian world? Because in belittling themselves, they stroke a boy's ego, they make men seem more masculine, they cause men to appear strong...when in reality, by portraying all women as weak and incapable of strength, boys merely become lazy. While, yes, boys may tend to be physically stronger than some women, it should  not be a reason for women to slack off and remain weak. Natasha Romanoff is an example of a woman who fights for good, who doesn't let men domineer over her or belittle her. She has a purpose, a belief she stands for, and she is willing to be strong and fight for it. Yes, she takes down men, she conquers evil...I'm not sure why this is viewed as a bad thing? Since when has it become wrong to take down bad guys? Natasha Romanoff kicks ass. I love her character because I see how with a strong mind and a strong will, I can defend what I believe, too. I can strengthen my own skills, physically, mentally, and emotionally, to face a world of horrible things. I can fight to defeat evil.

Amelia Pond. Amy Pond from Doctor Who demonstrates strength in incredible ways. The woman who fights tooth and nail for her husband and daughter. The girl, who although so in love with the life of traveling and helping the Doctor save the world, didn't even hesitate to stay with her husband. The woman who learned that in order to stay with him, she would have to give up everything else she loved and actually have to face her greatest fears...and yet, she chose to. She chose to give everything up, to face her fears, all to be with her husband. Her strength is something to imitate.

Sam. What? Of course I had to choose a strong female character who shares my name! ;) Sam from The Perks of Being a Wallflower is not the obvious strong woman that most people notice. She is weak in the sense that she allows guys to use her. As she and Charlie discuss...

Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?
Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.

Sam originally accepts the love she thinks she deserves. But because of her friendship with Charlie (oh, my goodness, here I am again actually saying something *good* about a guy!) and his influence, Sam chooses to be strong. She chooses to reject those who held her down, the guys who belittled and used her. Instead, she chooses to reject that she's not good enough. She works hard to get into college, she chooses to stop dating the wrong kind of guy, and chooses to believe in something more than the love she believed she'd deserved. Her strength in choosing to leave weakness, to be strong, is inspiring.


What is it that all these fictional movie characters have in common? They chose to be strong...they defied the odds, they defied being held down by people who would belittle them. They chose to leave weakness and become strong. This is exactly the kind of example I love to see in the movie world. It is exactly the kind of imagery we as women need to see, to be encouraged by, to practice ourselves.

We need this kind of message in a world that would tear us down. A message of: be strong and take courage.

Next time...
Women of strength meets real life...

Women of Strength: Part 1.

This morning, hanging out with my friend Amy, we were discussing a blogpost written by an uber-conservative boy, reviewing the movie The Avengers. We strongly disagreed on his take of the movie, but...you know, to each his/her own, right?

Then I read something extremely disturbing.

Speaking of the Black Widow/Romanoff (played by Scarlett Johansson), this boy, named Gabriel Hudelson, wrote:

I wanted to conquer her, to remind her that I'm a man, and she's a woman, and she can't 'take me'.**

I've grown in a circle of friends where everyone looks down on tough women.  A girl who takes down guys? Sinful. Feminist. Unchristlike. These are the words attached to these women. But what this boy has written about this character goes beyond that. The thought this boy has portrayed implies an excuse to rape.  When has Christianity come to this? Belittling women and their strength? Where boys have to "conquer" women in order to prove their masculinity...where boys are so insecure and lazy that strong women scare them.

They should be scared. Maybe it'll scare the laziness out of them.

Just because a woman is strong, doesn't mean she isn't in alignment with God or rejecting femininity. Strong female characters are what the movie world needs.

As a woman, I don't need a man to save me. I don't need, nor want, a "knight in shining armor" to save me. Boys, I don't need you. The only person who can save me is God. Beyond that? Myself. This is not a post to promote feminism (though I am very much a supporter of feminists, in the sense that I seek equal rights)...this post is about women of strength.

God created me as an individual, to be strong and gifted and able to serve Him. To rely on Him. To be strong in Him. This means, I will be strong even when boys are weak, insecure, scared, lazy...I will not belittle myself, lower myself, pretend to be weak in order to boost a boy's ego. Who I am is not defined by a boy. I, myself, and my God define who I am. I prove my worth by following the calling of God, by using my God-given gifts to worship and serve Him, not boys. 

Do you notice how I keep using the word boy? I say this because only a boy would be insecure enough to implicate rape as a means of keeping women in control.

Women are not in need of being controlled. In fact, we are in need of being raised higher, our strengths being recognized and acknowledged and encouraged. We are strong because that is how we are meant to be, there is a need for strong women because the world needs to see, to understand, that women do not need men to be a strong person.  It is not a sin to be single and strong.

This is not to belittle marriage or a strong relationship between a husband and wife, where they support and encourage and lift each other up. This post is solely about the fact that women are meant to be strong and should never pretend to be weak when they are not. All for the sake of a boy.

Be strong, girls. Take courage, take initiative...create a life for yourselves! Do not rely on boys to define you. That is not how God has created us! Be who you were created to be, be strong because that is how He meant for you to be.


Next time...
Women of strength in movies are needed...

**Full blogpost found here:
http://allauthority.blogspot.com/2012/10/review-avengers.html

To Breathe

"Sam! Sam! Sit down!" Tiny hands attached to one of

my kiddos grabs mine and pulls me to sit on the curb

next to her. 

"What?" I ask. 

"Watch this. I'm going to

breathe like a fish." She puckers up her lips and tries to

breathe as she squishes her cheeks in and out. She can't

hold it for long, bursting into giggles.

"You try."

I fail miserably.

"No, no, like this!" She places her sweaty palms on my

cheeks and squishes them.

"I'll teach you to breathe!" she says.

Breathing. Lately, I feel like I haven't had much room for breathing. My inner alarm clock wakes me promptly at 5:30 a.m., upon which, I wake up in a panic every morning, thinking I've slept past my real alarm...the one on my phone. I grab my phone, yanking it out of it's charge-mode and frantically press the button, head crashing back down onto my pillow when I see, "5:32 a.m." glaring white at me. It's useless to try to go back to sleep, as I have to get up in half an hour. 

6:00 a.m. brings on the rushing to get ready, the scramble to scoop up a pair of clean shorts, my staff t-shirt, socks...socks? WHERE THE HELL ARE MY SOCKS??? ...and then dashing into the shower. I am in the car by 7:20 a.m., heading to work. From 7:30-12:30, I am in charge of my kiddos, laughing, playing, running around, jump roping, counting, and on my feet for five hours. 

I rush home, stopping only long enough to grab something to eat, shower and change before heading to my second job at the library. From 1:30-5:30, I am swamped. The system is down, books are piling up to be checked in...the kids yelling, mothers looking for books, and a sewing class to help teach. 

I get out of work, stopping to grab paychecks from my 1st job and make a pit-stop at home to grab something to eat for dinner. I then head back out to do the errands I have no time to do during the day. 

I make it home, put things away, gather up my laundry and start a load. I tidy my room, check my work email, and finally collapse. 

I sit here, remembering my kiddo teaching me to breathe, realizing that it's those tiny, in-between moments when I do stop to breathe. When tiny hands pull me to sit down. A moment at work where I stop to say hi to a co-worker. A moment of driving in my car, listening to Two Steps From Hell. A moment of reading a letter that arrived in the mail. A moment of pausing in the middle of a work email to smell the newly cut grass smell drifting in the window. 

Short, brief moments during a crazy rushing day, where it feels like I breathe on autopilot. Each day has it's moments of craziness and moments where I feel like my head is completely heavy from tiredness. But my kiddos? They stop me. They pull me down, place their fingers on my cheeks and teach me to breathe. So I'd make a bad fish (seeing as our group name is the Sunfish, that's awkward!), but they make me laugh, they make my day, they melt my heart with their cute ways of showing me they like me. 

They teach me to breathe. 

365

Day 162: 

Books to read

Day 163:

A novel

Day 164:

Loveliness on a walk

Day 165: 

Marathon!

Day 166:

Found it!

Day 167:

I laughed like crazy!

Day 168:

Yeah. She's related to me. 

Day 169:

I love daisies. 

Day 170:

This made my day. 

Day 171:

Elly & I

Day 172:

I love these things!

Day 173: 

Truth.

Day 174:

Juji & I

Day 175:

Uncle Ty with his niece

Day 176:

I found this gold star with my name on it stuck to the basement wall. Weird.

Day 177:

Blogging!

Day 178:

Love!

Day 179:

Summer

Day 180:

At work

Day 181:

Love this song

Day 182:

Rockin the glasses

Day 183:

I LOVE these things

Day 184: 

Goin for the whole sexy librarian look with new glasses

Day 185: 

The tele-lens makes everything kick-ass. 

Day 186:

The life. 

Day 187:

Wackos

Day 188:

Summer look

Day 189:
Blue

Day 190:
Path

Day 191:
Words to remember

Day 192:
Driving home

Day 193:
Two jobs, two outfits

Day 194: 

To Smile

Smile. 

I am working as a camp counselor at a day camp. I am in charge of the younger children's group...the 5-7 year olds. 

As I stand watch over them at lunch time, I look across the pavilion, and the eyes of one of my kiddos catches mine. 

Their whole face lights up in the widest smile you can imagine. It is so infectious, that you can't help but smile back. It is so sweet and adoring that you just grin with delight. 

I stand, watching my kids playing, getting along. I smile as I see my youngest kiddo comforting her older friend over a scraped knee. 

I smile as I see the lil boys admiring the blood they acquire from a fall. 

I smile when I see a kiddo running toward me, arms out-stretched, ready to tackle me in a hug. 

I smile when I'm greeted each morning with a, "SAAAAAM! Guess WHAT??" The excitement, the enthusiasm, the delight, the joy I see every day in my kiddos. It is addicting, it is infectious. 

Even on the days that my kids are dropped off in tears because they don't want their moms to leave...minutes later, they see me and turn those frowns upside down. 

These kids teach me every day to greet life with a smile. To smile through the tears, to seize each moment with utter delight! To be so enthralled with life and the opportunities in front of me with such enthusiasm. To love life to the fullest. 

These kids teach me to smile.