I Am Not Who I Used To Be

Jan. 1, 2013. 

2013 was a long and hard year, full of self-discovery and struggles. I can see how I am still the same person I was on Jan. 1st, 2013 but I also see the changes, the growth. 

I'm not who I used to be. 

While I feel like in some ways I took two steps back for each step I took forward, I know that I've learned so much in 2013, about life, about myself.

I learned it's okay to love myself, that I don't have to be perfect in everything to still be worthwhile.

I learned it is far easier to ask forgiveness than to grant it, which is sad.

I learned that I am strong, I am smart, and I am worthwhile.

I learned that it's okay to be different...I am not the girl who wants to go out and party and have the same experiences as most adults in their 20s. I am quiet, I like being alone, I am bookish, nerdy, a planner, and not as spontaneous as some people wish me to be. And that's okay. 

I learned that it is not always easy to love others, but it is worth it.

I learned that the hard things, the struggles make the triumphs even more valuable.

I learned that opening myself up, being completely vulnerable is as scary as hell, but sometimes life calls for me to be vulnerable to those around me.

I learned that I make a difference in people's lives. Even though it is in the smallest ways, I do matter. 

I learned life's never going to be easy but fighting my way through the world transforms you into the person you were meant to be.

In spite of everything, I've learned that no matter how many hours, days, weeks, months, seasons, years go by...

I am still me.

Jan. 1st, 2014. 

I am Sam. 

And for the first time in forever, I love being me, imperfections and all.