The Traveling Girl vs. The Quiet Girl?

There's been a rush of popular blogposts floating around on my facebook newsfeed about dating or not dating a girl who travels. Friends have been raving and promoting these blogposts and after a discussion with friends, I feel compelled to write my own blogpost.

Don't Date a Girl Who Travels

Date a Girl Who Travels

I've always wanted to travel. I've had the green monster of envy as I watch my friends, even siblings get to see places I've always dreamed of seeing. I sigh with jealousy and daydreams as I go through the photo albums of people's journeys. It's not about hating those who travel, in fact, I envy them!

But.

I am not a fan of these kind of blogposts because while some can take them light-heartedly, and say how it's "so true!" and "this is me!", I don't see a message of light-hearted fun. I see a message promoting one kind of girl above all others. Let's take a look.

I find that these kind of articles imply that dating any other girl beside a "Traveling Girl" is lame, that the "Traveling Girl" is the *perfect* girl to date because she is adventurous, non-superficial, doesn't care about things like: shopping, or wasting money on things when you could use it to travel, and is also the prettiest, because she's interesting, and doesn't waste time over her appearance. Bottom line: a girl who travels is: more fun, more simplistic in life, more adventurous, prettier, independent: she is worthier of respect. she is worthier of attention. she is more FUN.

Maybe I'm over-reacting to these articles, but coming from a girl who has been faced with so many guys who only want to date a "spontaneous/adventurous" girl, I find myself frustrated. "Fun" girls are so highly promoted today, and "fun" = daring, spontaneous, thrill-seeker, active girls. The girl that can go stride-in-stride with a guy on EVERY physical activity that he does.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for girls being free to pursue all the activities that a guy does. I don't like the idea, however, that a girl who doesn't pursue these kind of activities is less than those who do.

I am not spontaneous. I am a planner. I don't roll easily with the punches. I like staying home a lot, I like having a dependable job. We girls who aren't adventurous or thrill-seekers don't expect to be treated as glass dolls. Not all of us are superficial just because we don't like cliff-jumping. I don't expect expensive gifts. I don't like getting lost, so sue me. It doesn't make me a fun-hater, it just means I have a different idea of fun. Being something different than spontaneous is not a bad thing.

Let's take a look at what these articles say about "Traveling Girls"...

Chances are, she can’t hold a steady job. Or she’s probably daydreaming about quitting. She doesn’t want to keep working her ass off for someone else’s dream. She has her own and is working towards it. She is a freelancer. She makes money from designing, writing, photography or something that requires creativity and imagination. Don’t waste her time complaining about your boring job.

When I read this, my eyebrows raised. Why is stability, dependability, and hard work seen as a bad thing? How is not being able to hold a steady job a good thing? Why is working under someone suddenly not working your own dream? If I one day get a job as a photojournalist, I'll be working for someone, but I'll also be doing something that I hope is something good in the world, and that is my dream.
And since when is working a job outside of writing, photography, or designing...a non-creative job...so bad? If someone didn't do those jobs, where would we be? Those airlines a traveling girl rides? Be thankful, traveling girls, that the world doesn't all think and act like you. We Quiet Girls can also be travelers. Perhaps it's not our living, it's not our whole life, but we dream of adventures in far-off lands. Sometimes we even fulfill those dreams. So we have our maps and our schedules and plans, but it doesn't make it less adventurous or fun for us. Just the traveling alone is an adventure. So we don't jump off cliffs or hike up every mountain. It doesn't make us less fun or interesting. We find just as much activity in learning new skills and exploring libraries and museums. We aren't less creative, we love photography and writing just as much as the next person. We just find our adventures in different ways. Perhaps we even attempt the same kind of activities but in a slower, more planned manner. It just means we're cautious and careful, not boring. Don't turn your nose up at the rest of us.

Waste her time complaining about our boring jobs? She sounds like a supportive, understanding friend. Not all of us have the luxury of doing whatever we want or working the dream job/living the dream life.

Don’t date a girl who travels as she tends to speak her mind. She will never try to impress your parents or friends. She knows respect, but isn’t afraid to hold a debate about global issues or social responsibility. 

I'm a planner. I'm more at home than anywhere else. I speak my mind. It's not just the Traveling Girl who has opinions and voices them.

She will never need you. She knows how to pitch a tent and screw her own fins without your help. She cooks well and doesn’t need you to pay for her meals. She is too independent and wont care whether you travel with her or not. She will forget to check in with you when she arrives at her destination. She’s busy living in the present. She talks to strangers. She will meet many interesting, like-minded people from around the world who share her passion and dreams. She will be bored with you. 

Some of us like being needed. It's not a bad thing. It doesn't make us less independent. We may not need you, and yes, we know how to do things on our own. But some of us, some of us like the company of doing it together, working as a team. We are considerate of those around us, willing to take the moment to ease someone's mind about our well-being and where we are. We will meet many interesting people, as well, and we will enjoy talking to them one and all, no matter if they travel or not.

This is not about putting down the Traveler Girl. Traveling Girls, embrace your life, LOVE it, share it with me, tell me about your travels, show me your pictures. I love hearing your stories. Don't settle with a quiet, non-spontaneous man. But don't put him down. Don't put down the quiet, non-spontaneous girls. There's no reason to be snobby or feel defensive about your lifestyle. There's no reason for either side to put anyone down!

Men, we quiet girls may not be adventurous our spontaneous or a thrill-seeker. But we are dreamers, we are intellectuals, we are loyal and dependable, we are responsible, we are hard-working, we are accepting...just as beautiful and strong and courageous as Traveling Girls. If you're looking for adventurous girls, maybe we're not the ones for you. But don't put us down because we're not. It doesn't make us less worthy, only different. And different? It's not so bad.   Traveling Girls, Quiet Girls...we're all fabulous, just in our each, individual way. And my response to these articles?

Traveling Girls are awesome. But so are Quiet Girls. It's not a case of who's better than who, Traveling Girl versus Quiet Girl. Neither one is better than the other.