Writer's Block

There are times when writing drives me completely insane! I mean, the times when it just won't flow out and I'm stuck with these scenes in my head and yet no way to get them out, pen to paper! It's so completely aggravating. Which is why I am so excited to say that brilliance has struck in a completely different form...and that brilliance came from...*drumroll*...Pinterest, where else? :P

Pinterest is good for many different things...I'll admit, I'm addicted. ;) Who isn't, these days?
Anywho, I found an image on Pinterest of a journal...a journal overflowing with pictures and words and ticket stubs and postcards...little pieces of beauty. And it struck me as I saw that image: that is exactly what my novel is about! Finding beauty, even in little things...even in times when it's hardest to find anything of beauty. And as I discussed these ideas with my favorite writing friend: Scarlett!...I found myself getting more and more excited. I decided to try something new...something more 3-D when it came to capturing the thoughts and feelings and emotions of my characters. 

I've recently started to edit my novel, transcribing it from 3rd person POV to 1st person. It's been very strange, to say the least, especially since it's been years and years since I attempted to write a novel in first person. Needless to say, the first time I attempted it years ago was not successful. I found it to be much too difficult. Yet, ever since I started this novel, something kept nagging me at the back of my mind that this novel was *meant* to be written in first person. I ignored it but eventually had to give in. And happily, it's made writing the novel that much easier!

All that to say, I've begun to place myself in the shoes of my protagonist...to try to *be* her. What have I done? I've taken novel planning to the next level. ;) 

I took all my scrapbooking supplies, a blank journal, all my magazines and spare pictures/postcards, etc. and plopped them down on my bedroom floor. With a corkboard and a fun playlist playing on my boombox...oh, yes, and don't forget a cup of tea!...I began to write, to piece together, to tape, to cut, to glue, to transcribe, to scribble...I lost myself in the world of Julian & Simon.

It's not necessarily the journal of Julian, my protagonist, so much as a journal of my discovering new people. I write out scenes for my  novel, I jot down notes, I paste in photographs and magazine clippings that illustrate what I'm trying to say. I put down photos of places and people that Julian sees.

What I'm doing is viewing the world through a character's eyes. 

It seems completely insane, doesn't it? To get one's self so wrapped up into a novel and to go to so much trouble to do so. It is insane! I'll admit it, readily! But it's also fun! And here's hoping it causes the juices to flow!

How far do you go to overcome writer's block? ;) 

365

Day 195:

Paris, my hero

Day 196:
We think you crazy.

Day 197:
Had to do a lil eye surgery

Day 198:
Drivin home.

Day 199:

They wrote a book about me!

Day 200:
Preach it, sistah. 

Day 201:
Last weekend with the bestie.

Day 202:

Our typical DD date.

Day 203:
What I'm reading

Day 204:
Crush since 11 years old. Be still mah heart.

Day 205:
Addictions.

Day 206:
Walking home from work

Day 207:

Whoops! I deleted the photo! Aaaaah!

Day 208:

Working on my novel

Day 209:
Behind the scenes!

Day 210:

Yes, I lie on my floor to watch movies.

Day 211: 

Sneak from my photo shoot.

Day 212: 

We're so excited someone turned 6!!!

Day 213:
Um, I have a month til school starts. I think we's got a problem...

Day 214:
Mhm.

Day 215:

Ew. His name was Frankie. Unfortunately Frankie was accidentally, maliciously destroyed. I mean, set free. Yeah, that. 

Day 216: 

Herman & Sherman.

"This is X."
"Wha?"

"X! Like..."
"Eggs and bacon!"

Day 217: 

Letter from my doll. <3 p="">

Day 218: 

Sunset

Day 219:

Me? Hate morning? I LOVE morning!

Day 220:

Mhm.

Day 221:
Last day of camp...luau meets Noah's flood. 5 hours of down-pouring rain, hula dance moves, and a soggy lei.

Day 222: 

Ice cream date

Day 223:

We think you crazy.

Day 224:

We think you ridiculous.

Also, cue the sexaaaaaay librarian looks!

Day 225:

*heart*

Day 226:
Experimenting with early evening light

Day 227:
Sky through a screen

To Laugh

Do you know what I loved about my job at summer camp? Who I was.
Not to say I was someone other than me, that I had switched personalities or anything...on the contrary, I was simply me. The beauty about my job was that, it didn't matter what I wore, how how I looked...the kids still loved me. They still hung out with me, they didn't give me weird looks, they didn't expect me to look polished. All they wanted was my attention, for me to laugh at their jokes, to spin the jumprope for them, to hold hula hoop contests with them, to draw pictures with them, to talk to them, to connect with them, to be silly, to joke, to smile, to make silly faces, to laugh...

I was more me than I've ever been on any job. And the beautiful thing was, being around those children made me confident that who I am, as a person, is okay. In fact, it's more than okay...I'm great as me. These children boosted my confidence in ways that no one else could!

Tiny hands slipping into mine as they said quietly with ease, "I love you, Samantha." *heartmelt*

Strong, small arms gripped around my waist as they yell, "HUG TIME!"

Sneaky grins as they shout, "Heads up!" and throw frisbees at my head.

Bursts of giggles as they watch me demonstrate the hula dance moves we learned...very, very awkwardly.

So much patience as they taught me to hula hoop properly.

But best of all, shared laughter as we proved just how silly we could be, how silly *I* could be. The fake voices, the idiotic dances, silly songs, fish faces, and the confidence and self-esteem to pull it all off without once feeling self-conscious.

Because with my kiddos, it didn't matter. There was no feeling self-conscious with my kids. They saw me for who I was, whether or not I looked a wreck or looked awkwardly dorky. And they still loved me for it. They probably loved me all the more because of it. And instead of feeling incredibly self-conscious or embarrassed, I found myself laughing. Not really at myself or at anything in particular...just laughing because there was the love to laugh all around me.

At camp I found that life is surrounded by opportunities of laughter. When you feel like a dork, when someone does something silly, even when nothing is particularly funny but you feel a surge of happiness you just laugh.

Shyness, tears, loneliness, grumpiness...it's all taken away when you sit down next to a child and begin to talk, to share stories, to grin, make silly faces...all leading to laughter.
Those kiddos of mine showed me how wonderful it is to be me.

They taught me to laugh.

Silly Girl

My closest friends will tell you...

I am loud. I am passionate. I can be obnoxious. I am opinionated. And I am not afraid of sharing those opinions.
I can be bitchy and have my off days where I seem to make everyone angry at me.

My friends show me grace because they know I'm better than my bitchy moments. They hold me back when I'm tempted to say more than I should. They tell me when I'm crossing a line and when I really should rethink how I approach people.

But.

They also know, I take life seriously. My opinions? My loudness? My passions? Nothing is formed lightly. I think through things. Over and over and over. I am a perfectionist. I work hard and and try to perfect myself. When I see how I am wrong, I try to refocus. I may be bitchy at times but I never take serious matters lightly. While I may not always come right out and say exactly what it is I believe, I am an open book to anyone who asks me. I have nothing to hide when it comes to my beliefs, my faith, my morals. I realize that anything I write on this blog is out there for the public to see. And yes, it's made me re-think posts, it's made me hesitate. I go with my gut instinct. If I feel a hesitation, then I generally take the post back. I trust  my intuition. And if I feel I may be crossing a line, I run the posts across a best friend...several best friends sometimes.

I know some people come to my blog and see it merely as a silly girl's blog, a silly girl's pointless words, a silly girl acting all bitter toward men and promoting feminism, a silly girl shouting into the wind.

Maybe I am silly. Maybe I am shouting into the wind. But I am serious. I think hard about things, I try to understand things, and I write about things because writing is how I best express myself.
If I see something I strongly disagree with out there in the world then I do not belittle those concerns or fears. I think about them, I try to understand them, and then if I still feel strongly, I write about them.

I won't lie and say I don't care what people think about me. But the fact is...unless a person genuinely cares about me, and me about them, then I really don't care. The opinions of people who don't know me don't upset me.

I used to care, I used to form myself into a different girl for each friend, suiting my personality to each person. I wasn't myself. I am through with that and I will no longer hide when I feel strongly about something. People, if you feel something is right, then don't hide from it.

Silly, I may be, but I am not a girl. I am an adult. I am a woman. I am my own person, forming my own opinions. I am under the authority of no one but my God. I am me. Sam. I am not just a human being. I am a person. I am serious, loud, obnoxious, bitchy, concerned...and I'm done hiding it.

Women of Strength: Part 3

Women of strength in  movies is great and all, and I definitely find encouragement to be more kickass, to pursue my dreams, to live life to the fullest, to not take crap from others, to laugh off the criticism, and to never falter even when people frown. I am encouraged to stand up for what's right, even in standing up to what I believe are damaging blog posts.

We've already covered women of strength in movies...what about the strong women in real life?

I look around me and admire the women I see around me. While, yes, I have those people in my life that talk down to women, believe they're subjected to men, and should "submit" and be "controlled" by men...I also am surrounded by the encouraging, wonderful, beautiful, strong women who are forging a path, whether it be side by side with a husband or on their own. They are true to themselves, never demeaning themselves to a man's wishes. And it is so incredible to see how their lives are good, encouraging, and doing good in this world! Who are these women who have impacted our world?


Jael. Yes, I am using an example from the Bible. This woman seriously was awesome. Little is written about her but what was written is pretty cool. First of all, she is linked to a story involving another awesome woman: Deborah! Because Barak wouldn't carry out God's plans unless Deborah went him, God allowed a woman to "save the day", so to speak.  While being chased by Barak and his men, Sisera made his way to Jael's tent. There she enticed him in, gave him something to drink, and allowed him to fall asleep in her own tent. Once he was asleep, what did this woman do? She defeated him. She nailed a tent peg into his head. She conquered the enemy and God so wished it. Instead of delivering Sisera into the hand of Barak, God allowed a woman "take down" the enemy. It's amazing how "Christians" will criticize fictional women in movies for "taking down" the enemy, instead of allowing the "heroes" do the work. God allowed a woman to have the credit of taking down an enemy that was being pursued by a man. Funny how that worked out. Jael was brave and strong and defeated the enemy because she could. 

Harriet Tubman. What a woman. Raised as a slave, born to a like of submission and being controlled being owned by a man, Harriet managed to escape. Having experienced the torture of slavery, Harriet returned not once not twice to help other slaves escape but 19 times, helping hundreds of fellow slaves. As a child, she had been beaten by her masters and been injured in the head. Because of her injury, she suffered from seizures, black-outs, and headaches. In spite of that, and in spite of the fact that she faced torturous punishment, even death, as a result of helping slaves escape, she heard a calling and listened. Harriet listened to the calling for her life and it wasn't staying at home or being protected by a man. Instead this strong woman protected and saved others. She saved lives at the risk of her own. You cannot find a more encouraging and brave example of a woman.

Irena Sendler. This woman was yet another that stood strong in the face of pain and death in order to save lives. When the Warsaw ghetto was built during WWII, Irena managed to smuggle more than 2500 children out of the ghetto and relocated them with various families who hid and cared for them. Not only that, but Irena managed to keep track of each child, writing down their names and where she had them placed. She stored all their names in a jar, which she buried to find at a later time. Captured by the Nazis, Irena was tortured...her legs and arms were broken and she was beaten. In spite of this, she revealed nothing and the children she had managed to smuggle out were saved. After the war, Irena was able to help reunite the children with their families.
This woman did what it took to stop the enemy from killing the innocent. She did what needed to be done, even when tortured. She was a woman, strong and determined against the enemy. She didn't sit back and let men do the saving...she saw the opportunity to do good and did it.

Dorothea Lange. I don't think many people view Dorothea as a woman of strength but she truly was a heroine. As a photographer, Dorothea saw how damaging the Great Depression was and stepped into the streets to capture the real life among the homeless and jobless. Through her photography, the reality of the Great Depression was placed before the public and impacted society into creating a change.  This woman faced the heaviness of the Great Depression. Her photographs didn't depict happy circumstances. Instead, this woman stood strong, capturing reality as it was: hard, heart-breaking...starving families, jobless men and women, mothers desperate to feed their children...Dorothea didn't stay inside her studio, creating a living for herself. She went out into the world and faced the horrible truth that few wanted to see. She was strong in revealing the truth when the truth needed to be revealed.


Like the movie heroines I listed in my previous post, these real-life heroines faced the odds, danger, pain, even death to do what was right. They didn't sit at home, letting the burdens of the world fall to the men. They pursued what they felt they needed to do. They took down the enemy when it was in their power to do so, the chose to do what was right when it was hardest to do so. I see these women and I feel empowered, encouraged, and inspired. If these women can create a life for themselves, pursue their dreams, choose to do right even when it was hard, who is there to say I cannot do the same? Who can be against me, when I have a calling? God gave me gifts, He gave me strengths, He gave me intelligence and the power to learn. With these gifts, strengths, intelligence...with all of these powers, I have the opportunity to become a woman of strength.
I was not born to just sit around and let men save the day. I was not born to become merely a man's instrument. I was made for more. I was made to serve and worship God in everything! I have a calling and I am called to be a woman of strength. No man, no woman, no one is going to take that away from me. For who is against me, when He is for me?

Women of Strength: Part 2

There is a lot of criticism out there about the women movies depict these days. I find it rather funny...because while there are many in Christian circles that criticize them, I am excited by them. I am encouraged, I am driven to be strong myself...

My theory is this...men in some Christian circles are scared by the idea of strong women.

I'm sure I've raised quite a few eyebrows with my words yesterday...

"Boys, I don't need you."

So horribly feminist of  me! However, this isn't about being a feminist. In fact, I rather love males. I have some terribly good male friends, I love dates, I love hanging out with guys, and I desire marriage someday. Guys, this is nothing personal. Obviously, we need guys in order to keep up the human race, and they're awfully useful to have around, not to mention fun and interesting. But as I keep saying...this isn't about feminism or belittling marriage or even about belittling guys. This series of post is about strong women, and only strong women.

As I've mentioned, girls, we don't need men/boys to be strong. We don't need boys to save us if we can do it ourselves. This is why I believe women of strength in movies are needed. Shall we take a look at how and why these women are great?


Katniss Everdeen. Oh, yes, you knew she was coming. What better place to start? She's all the rage right now, due to the series being turned into movies.
Katniss is a young teenage girl, living in a time of horror. Her country is needlessly killing off her peers in order to control the people. Not wanting to get involved and intent on watching over her fatherless family, Katniss keeps her head down, careful not to draw attention. Then the day comes when her little sister's name is drawn...drawn for almost certain death.
Katniss is a woman of strength...she shows the power of sacrifice and love by taking the place of her sister. Her love for her family is so strong she is willing to do what most people would not do...she faces death.

Natasha Romanoff/The Black Widow. Why are weak women in need of being rescued so desirable in the Christian world? Because in belittling themselves, they stroke a boy's ego, they make men seem more masculine, they cause men to appear strong...when in reality, by portraying all women as weak and incapable of strength, boys merely become lazy. While, yes, boys may tend to be physically stronger than some women, it should  not be a reason for women to slack off and remain weak. Natasha Romanoff is an example of a woman who fights for good, who doesn't let men domineer over her or belittle her. She has a purpose, a belief she stands for, and she is willing to be strong and fight for it. Yes, she takes down men, she conquers evil...I'm not sure why this is viewed as a bad thing? Since when has it become wrong to take down bad guys? Natasha Romanoff kicks ass. I love her character because I see how with a strong mind and a strong will, I can defend what I believe, too. I can strengthen my own skills, physically, mentally, and emotionally, to face a world of horrible things. I can fight to defeat evil.

Amelia Pond. Amy Pond from Doctor Who demonstrates strength in incredible ways. The woman who fights tooth and nail for her husband and daughter. The girl, who although so in love with the life of traveling and helping the Doctor save the world, didn't even hesitate to stay with her husband. The woman who learned that in order to stay with him, she would have to give up everything else she loved and actually have to face her greatest fears...and yet, she chose to. She chose to give everything up, to face her fears, all to be with her husband. Her strength is something to imitate.

Sam. What? Of course I had to choose a strong female character who shares my name! ;) Sam from The Perks of Being a Wallflower is not the obvious strong woman that most people notice. She is weak in the sense that she allows guys to use her. As she and Charlie discuss...

Sam: Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?
Charlie: We accept the love we think we deserve.

Sam originally accepts the love she thinks she deserves. But because of her friendship with Charlie (oh, my goodness, here I am again actually saying something *good* about a guy!) and his influence, Sam chooses to be strong. She chooses to reject those who held her down, the guys who belittled and used her. Instead, she chooses to reject that she's not good enough. She works hard to get into college, she chooses to stop dating the wrong kind of guy, and chooses to believe in something more than the love she believed she'd deserved. Her strength in choosing to leave weakness, to be strong, is inspiring.


What is it that all these fictional movie characters have in common? They chose to be strong...they defied the odds, they defied being held down by people who would belittle them. They chose to leave weakness and become strong. This is exactly the kind of example I love to see in the movie world. It is exactly the kind of imagery we as women need to see, to be encouraged by, to practice ourselves.

We need this kind of message in a world that would tear us down. A message of: be strong and take courage.

Next time...
Women of strength meets real life...

Women of Strength: Part 1.

This morning, hanging out with my friend Amy, we were discussing a blogpost written by an uber-conservative boy, reviewing the movie The Avengers. We strongly disagreed on his take of the movie, but...you know, to each his/her own, right?

Then I read something extremely disturbing.

Speaking of the Black Widow/Romanoff (played by Scarlett Johansson), this boy, named Gabriel Hudelson, wrote:

I wanted to conquer her, to remind her that I'm a man, and she's a woman, and she can't 'take me'.**

I've grown in a circle of friends where everyone looks down on tough women.  A girl who takes down guys? Sinful. Feminist. Unchristlike. These are the words attached to these women. But what this boy has written about this character goes beyond that. The thought this boy has portrayed implies an excuse to rape.  When has Christianity come to this? Belittling women and their strength? Where boys have to "conquer" women in order to prove their masculinity...where boys are so insecure and lazy that strong women scare them.

They should be scared. Maybe it'll scare the laziness out of them.

Just because a woman is strong, doesn't mean she isn't in alignment with God or rejecting femininity. Strong female characters are what the movie world needs.

As a woman, I don't need a man to save me. I don't need, nor want, a "knight in shining armor" to save me. Boys, I don't need you. The only person who can save me is God. Beyond that? Myself. This is not a post to promote feminism (though I am very much a supporter of feminists, in the sense that I seek equal rights)...this post is about women of strength.

God created me as an individual, to be strong and gifted and able to serve Him. To rely on Him. To be strong in Him. This means, I will be strong even when boys are weak, insecure, scared, lazy...I will not belittle myself, lower myself, pretend to be weak in order to boost a boy's ego. Who I am is not defined by a boy. I, myself, and my God define who I am. I prove my worth by following the calling of God, by using my God-given gifts to worship and serve Him, not boys. 

Do you notice how I keep using the word boy? I say this because only a boy would be insecure enough to implicate rape as a means of keeping women in control.

Women are not in need of being controlled. In fact, we are in need of being raised higher, our strengths being recognized and acknowledged and encouraged. We are strong because that is how we are meant to be, there is a need for strong women because the world needs to see, to understand, that women do not need men to be a strong person.  It is not a sin to be single and strong.

This is not to belittle marriage or a strong relationship between a husband and wife, where they support and encourage and lift each other up. This post is solely about the fact that women are meant to be strong and should never pretend to be weak when they are not. All for the sake of a boy.

Be strong, girls. Take courage, take initiative...create a life for yourselves! Do not rely on boys to define you. That is not how God has created us! Be who you were created to be, be strong because that is how He meant for you to be.


Next time...
Women of strength in movies are needed...

**Full blogpost found here:
http://allauthority.blogspot.com/2012/10/review-avengers.html