Create a Life

I recently got into a discussion about single young women. And one girl said something that stuck out particularly to me.

"We need a life to share with someone else instead of waiting for a guy to come along with all the put-togetherness."

How true is this? I come from a conservative background where books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye and When God Writes Your Love Story and Boy Meets Girl, as well as the ideals of courtship were promoted. I had friends who preached the necessity of a girl living at home until she was married and the evils of working outside as a single girl.

To this day, in conservative circles, the idea that a girl should stay at home and assist her father and brothers in pursuing their dreams is heavily pushed upon every young woman. I reject these ideas because this implies that God has created robot women, each one exactly alike with the same exact talents and gifts to be used in the same exact way. I believe in a God that created individuals not just genders or gender roles.

That having been said, I believe in creating a life for myself, based on the calling God has for me. If a girl sits around doing nothing with her life while waiting for a man who may never show, then she has wasted a perfectly good life. If a girl was meant to wait for a man to begin her life, then why wasn't she born the day of her wedding? The fact is, a man doesn't need to put together a life for himself AND then create a life for the girl he loves in order for him to marry her.  A girl doesn't need a man to create a life for her. She has the tools and gifts to do so for herself right at her fingertips. If a man cannot fit into the life that a woman has built for herself according to the calling God has led her on, then he is not. worth. it. A woman needs a man whose life is compatible with her own. God didn't create us to place man, a husband, as the center of our lives. He didn't create us to place a man and his life above all else, above the gifts and calling God has given to us individually. And while some say that this can fit into the form of a housewife and homemaker and mother, it doesn't always. Some women aren't called to that life.

Waiting to build a life around a husband is a waste. It is creating an idol out of  a husband. We can have absolutely marvelous lives if we'd only stop sitting around, waiting for a man who could possibly never show up on our doorsteps. I am an individual, a woman called to do something with her life. And if a man wants to enter this life, he has to be compatible with it, just as my life needs to be compatible with his. And in this way, I am not wasting my life away nor am I obsessing over an idol of a man, a husband.

If we create a life for ourselves, this does not mean that all men will be scared away nor that there won't be any room for a husband. Yes, perhaps it won't work out with the lives of a lot of men, but as Amy March said, "You don't need scores of suitors. You only need one. If he's the right one." Create a life that you're called to create...a life you can share not give up. 

Happiness

The art of battling fake happiness.

I mentioned two posts ago about Sam, at 17, who would fake her way to perfection. Real emotions were hidden and happiness faked. The sad thing about my life is, that it has become much too easy for me to give into a way of faking happiness. Once you accomplish the art of faking happiness, it can soon become a replacement for one's impression of genuine happiness.

Fake happiness is just that, fake. There is no real joy, it is all smiles and laughter and jokes made for disguise. A disguise for the real emotions that lie at heart.

Sometimes, I find myself faking the happiness to indeed get to real happiness. But what happens when you become so accustomed to faking it so much? You tend to forget what is real and what is not.

I battled depression, still battle depression, for going on two years now. And that is when I mastered faking it. Today, I am learning the art of discovering happiness.

How can one discover happiness? Isn't happiness just something that happens? Isn't it a feeling that just occurs when you actually are just happy?

Maybe it is, and often it does occur naturally. But the most wonderful thing about happiness is that it can be discovered. Stumbled upon. 

It's the art of seeing the bright side, accepting the bright side, and rejecting anything else that is less than real.

It is seeing the beauty in the simple things, allowing yourself to enjoy, not holding yourself back.

Happiness is...two kinds of ice cream...
It is...sunshine on a cloudy day...

It's a cup of coffee, a pair of jeans that fit just right, a heart-felt conversation, a time of waiting, a time of action...

Happy June 1st. Go and find some happiness.

S'all good...

Warm weather means one very important thing: working out.

I've restarted doing the couch to 5K plan and I am amazed at my mindset this year. While last year I would have to drag myself out of bed each morning, completely unwillingly...some mornings I'd just skip it...and while running, I constantly battled negative thoughts about how I couldn't make the mark or how horrible I was at it.

This year, I get up each morning I'm supposed to run, and I make myself do it. And as I run, I am filled with a totally different voice. This year it is all, "You can do this. You can even push a little farther than today's goal. Just do a little more, a little more..." And funniest thing of all, I find myself actually craving to go running on my "rest" days instead of just every other day. It's as if my body is craving the endorphins...and that beautiful feeling of becoming stronger each day and knowing that I *can* do this.

After I got off work today, I dragged my running shoes back on to meet my doll-face Gen-Gen for some walking.
"I don't want to do this," I grumbled. I thought of the car drive there, the walking, and the drive home and just wanted to be lazy. (Sorry, Gen.)

But once my shoes were on, my music blaring in the car, with the windows rolled down, and wind blowing in, I had to admit...it was good.

waiting for slow-poke gen-gen

I walked nearly 3 miles with my girly as we talked and spilled our guts to each other, ranging from deep conversation on life and our purposes to grumblings about periods and lack of cute guys in our lives. And it was good. Good for the mind and the soul, to connect to someone who feels as I do, who sees the world through a similar yet different perspective.

I stumbled on a rock down one hill and twisted my ankle, having to come to a complete stop until the jarring pain minimized. (Then nearly choked on a gulp of water when the girly made me laugh. We seriously are awkward.) 
Now here I am icing my ankle, praying it's not bad and that it'll be fine to go running on Friday. Because running...it has been good for me. So we're hoping it's all good so that I can be good to run good to feel good. S'all good.

Real

Lately, I have been having the most overwhelming amount of flashbacks to 17-year-old me. And a lot of what I remember makes me cringe and shudder. And sad. 

I was 17 and thought I had to be perfect. I had to be the perfect girl, who lived at home and "waited" for the perfect guy. 

Today when I look back, all I see is a girl who tried to squeeze herself into a box that was the wrong size. I squelched my personality to please each individual friend. I said what was proper, regardless if I truly believed it. I smiled when inwardly I felt sad. I swallowed feelings of anger and heartbreak when a "friend" turned her back on me, because the perfect friend never gave up, never became angry. I stayed at home, stomping on the desire to be someone else. I couldn't be anyone else. I had to be perfect. The idea of leaving, doing something differently, going to school...it was terrifying. And I fooled myself into believing that that's not what God had planned for my life. No. His plan was for me to be the perfect girl who waited for the perfect guy so that we could have a perfect wedding, a perfect life, then a perfect family. It would all be perfect. That's what I told myself. But I wasn't perfect. I told myself lies because I was lazy, but mostly because I was scared. I was scared of being real. I was scared of embracing who I really was, scared of admitting what I really wanted, scared of embracing the real desires God had implanted in me. Scared to use the talents He had given me. 

I remember growing up, hearing, "We need to be perfect as Jesus was perfect".  What I failed to understand was that my definition of perfect was different than what God expects of me. The idea I had in my head of "perfection" denied the very person I really was. It was a legalistic idea that had been created by fear and laziness and selfishness. In my pursuit of perfection, I became fake. I denied emotions, hid from dreams, stomped on talents, ignored wonderful opportunities, and wasted precious time. I remember the day perfectly when I wrote in my journal, I feel all wrong and just want to cry but I won't. I don't know what's wrong but I feel awful. God, please just make me happy. For real happy. 

I wasn't happy because I wasn't real. I'm no longer 17 and no longer obsessed with the idea of perfection I had somehow become fixated on. I no longer fight the right to feel emotions, I no longer squelch my talents, or try to make myself happy with what I thought I *should* be called to do. Today I strive to be the best version of me that I can be. I am not perfect, I fail every day...but every day, I try.  In writing my current novel, I found myself re-reading the words I had written: 

"I tried and it was never enough."
"You tried and that will always be enough."
- I Am Real

I fail every day, but the beautiful thing is, every morning I get up and I try again. I'm not trying to be perfect in a way that denies who God made me to be. I am trying to be me, trying to be real. 
And I love it.

Day128:

He's such a tourist.

Day 129:

There's the cat again! It was under the bell!

Day 130:

Whaaaaaaaa?

Day 131: 

Truth

Day 132:

Good read

Day 133: 

Running...chilly but sunny morning

Day 134: 

Happy Birthday

Day 135: 

Bringing the sunshine into work.

Day 136:

Love my bestie 

Day 137:

This made my day. Made my semester. 

Day 138: 

American coffee in an English mug

Day 139: 

haha!

Day 140:

I have many talents.
Jon says this is not necessarily a good thing.

Day 141:

It'll happen.

Day 142:

Some people call it bird food. I call it breakfast.

Day 143: 

This is what happens when you forget to take a photo til the last minute. 

Guest Post

Guest Post from Amy

Greetings,

Jesus said through James, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." 

We took this to heart and Yesu Asobola Ministries was born.

Yesu Asobola is a ministry whose goal is bringing hope to the children of Uganda through care, education and Christ.

Yesu Asobola means this: Jesus is Able. 

We believe this with our whole hearts.

Yesu Asobola is a Community Based Organization located 20 minutes outside of Soroti, Uganda in a village called .

This remote village has hundreds of children who are unable to attend school and many who are orphaned by HIV/AIDS and displaced because of the war (LRA). There are elderly grandmothers caring for 12 orphans with no income, and young teen girls who care for multiple siblings. There are children who have been abused by their stepmother's so severely that they have had to run away - at a young age - or have become handicapped. Some of these children live in the bush. We met one little boy who wanders the street - his teeth are rotted and he tells people he goes to school but he doesn't. These children are hopeless and in need. (Please check out our website - yesuasobola.org for pictures and stories of theses children).

Our vision of opening a school (primary and trade, with an orphanage for the estimated 200-400 orphaned and needy children of a village located in the Soroti District of Uganda) grew as we sat outside talking about the great need- then we found out there was already land being provided for this very purpose by a generous donor. We couldn't turn our faces away.

We will be starting a Christian school, which will act as a home for the orphans and a day school for the needy children of the community. We will offer primary education through grade 7, Bible, dance, and music classes- as well as farming. For the older children who do not wish to go through primary education, but wish for a future in which they can provide for themselves, we will offer 6 month trade skill programs. We will also sponsor older children to attend high school if they wish to continue their education. Our hopes are to eventually be able to provide a medical clinic and church that will be open to the community, as well as parenting and health education for the parents. We hope to hire widows in the area to care for the children in the orphanage, as well as good teachers to teach them. 

There are many ways you can help.

We have approximately $300,000 to raise by August. It's a lot. We know that- but through Him all things are possible!

We are asking you to do one simple thing - Go to our website at yesuasobola.org and donate $10 - just $10! 

In this small way you can help us reach the estimated 400 orphans in Soroti, Uganda! FOUR HUNDRED children who we have an opportunity to serve. 

Most importantly we need all the prayer we can get! You can be a part of this incredible ministry the Lord has begun! 

In Christ,

Amy Patterson & Kristianna Puckett

Co-directors

yesuasobola.org

facebook.com/yesuasobolaministries

yesuasobola@yahoo.com

Guest Post

A huge thank you to my friend, Amy, for the following guest post that she wrote on friends. You can find her own blog here: http://quitenormalormaybenot.blogspot.com/



True friends are beautiful things, and are a rare breed of people. Anyone can find a friend - maybe even someone they would call a "best friend" and yet, a true friend is hard to find. A true friend is someone who is there for you - even if they can't be right next to you they keep in contact, listen, pray, give advice, and give or send a hug. They are good listeners, they share, they tell and keep secrets, they know that "love covers over a multitude of sins" so they forgive. They are open about their feelings, they sometimes can be tough but always in love, they are loyal, they stick up for you and believe in you even when no one else does. They can laugh and cry with you all in the same conversation, and you never feel like they are going to dump you as a friend - because they aren't. They are there forever.

The qualities of a true friend remind me of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a which talk about love - 

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."
Of course, Jesus is our ultimate true friend, and human true friends aren't perfect and make mistakes themselves, but I believe God gave certain people the gift of how to be a true friend - a friend after Jesus' own heart. A friend who has this gift is one to cherish and love back.

I, personally, have been blessed with several really true and best friends in my life. Each are so different and unique which just shows how God makes each person so different and amazing. One of these friends is there whenever I need to get out of the house, share an ice cream, have fun, rant, laugh, have a random movie night or go to a new movie together, or just text and see how each other's days are going. Another one of these friends is where I go to when I need to get away for a couple days and just talk, have heart to hearts, watch sappy movies, rant, or just be there for each other. My other friend shares my love of travel and mission work, when we talk she is encouraging and always knows just what to say, we rarely see each other but when we do we have so much to tell each other and we always walk away feeling encouraged and loved.

If you are lucky enough to have a true friend, or maybe several, like I am don't ever take them for granted - they are hard to find. Don't forget to be a true friend back to them, because chances are they need one just as much as you do.